One boring monday morning, Mr. Tinko the English teacher enter Akpos class and addressed them. He started: lets show the principal and our quest how much we have learnt so far this year. Lets do some comparisions……So i say small, you say small, smaller, smallest.. [we all nodded, looking very tired] Mr. Tinko: big Akpos Class: big, bigger ,biggest Mr. Tinko: clean Akpos Class: clean, cleaner, cleanest.. Mr. Tinko: tall… Akpos Class: tall, taller, tallest Mr. Tinko: Mr. Tinko smiled and said: very good Akpos Class: very good, very gooder, very goodest Mr. Tinko: oh gosh. Akpos Class: oh gosh, oh gosher, oh goshest Mr. Tinko: stop it now Akpos Class: stop it now, stop it nower, stop it nowest… Mr. Tinko: oh please… Akpos Class: oh please, oh pleaser, oh pleasest… Mr. Tinko: look at me…!! Akpos Class: look at me, look at me-er, look at me-est Mr. Tinko: what a disgrace. Akpos Class: what a disgrace, what a disgracer,what a disgracest Mr. Tinko: [so furious]:i don die………… Akpos Class: i don die,.. i don dier, i don diest.

B-R-E-A-K-I-N-G News!!! ASUU Calls Off 5 Months Strike. The Academic staff of University union, (ASUU) has voted in Kano to call off their 5 months old strike. The Union leaders resolved to inform the president about their decision on Monday, November 25, 2013. more Details coming soon!!!

Akpos' First day in a new Secondary School. The Teacher told the class that there will be an elementary science test the next week. Contrary to his nature, Akpos read his book from cover to cover like no man's business. On the test day, the teacher lines up about 5 birds, covering each with a piece of cloth so only their legs are visible. Question 1: Looking at the leg of a bird write down its' common name, species, family, zoological name, habitat etc. After about 20 minutes of frustration and not writing down anything, Akpos storms to the teacher's desk and slams his blank sheet in front of the teacher and said; Sir, this test makes no sense! I am going home! The Teacher said; What a rude boy! Come back here. What is your name? Akpos raised his trouser, pointed to his leg and said; 'Oya you too, look at my leg, tell me my name, my surname, where I live and the tribe I come from. One word for Akpos.

Akpos' First day in a new Secondary School. The Teacher told the class that there will be an elementary science test the next week. Contrary to his nature, Akpos read his book from cover to cover like no man's business. On the test day, the teacher lines up about 5 birds, covering each with a piece of cloth so only their legs are visible. Question 1: Looking at the leg of a bird write down its' common name, species, family, zoological name, habitat etc. After about 20 minutes of frustration and not writing down anything, Akpos storms to the teacher's desk and slams his blank sheet in front of the teacher and said; Sir, this test makes no sense! I am going home! The Teacher said; What a rude boy! Come back here. What is your name? Akpos raised his trouser, pointed to his leg and said; 'Oya you too, look at my leg, tell me my name, my surname, where I live and the tribe I come from. One word for Akpos.

Akpos and his gang went to rob a city bank. Everybody down! Akpos shouted. Everyone laid flat on the ground. Where is the bank manager? He asked. A young gentle man stood up and said; Here i am. Open the safe and bring out all the money. Akpos commanded. The young man kindly replied; Sir, this thing you are doing is not good o. It is a crime against society and humanity. Shut up!... Akpos angrily retorted. If not because it is a toy gun i'm holding, i would have blown off your brain. Akpos is currently receiving treatment at the prison hospital. One word for Akpos.

Akpos in a hurry used the ladies 'toilet in a posh hotel'.. He sat down and noticed four buttons - WW, WA, PP & APR. Curious, he pressed WW & his butt was gently sprayed with WARM WATER, he loved it so much! He then pressed WA & a blast of WARM AIR dried him up. Still loving it, He pressed PP & a POWDER PUFF to make him smell fresh. Feeling pampered, he decided to press the last button APR. He later woke up in a hospital. A nurse smiled & said to him, Sir, APR means AUTOMATIC PAD REMOVER. When the machine couldn't find a pad on you, it went for your balls. Your balls are in the jar over there!

A business man Akpos was coming out of his range rover car when a small boy approached him and asked; What is the secret of your wealth. Akpos replied; You have to use your number 6 in 6 ways. The boy was surprised and asked; How in 6 ways. Akpos replied; I only do business 6 times in a year. One, i sell bags of rice during christmas season. Two, i sell children clothes during children's day celebration. Three, i sell poultry birds during the easter celebration period. Four, i sell condoms on valentine's day. Five, i sell indian hemp on Bob Marley's rememberance day. So, you see why i'm successful. The boy said; But you did not tell me the 6th. Akpos smiled and said; Six, i go on VACATION. Boy: To where? Akpos: PRISON. One word for Akpos.

TEACHER : Who Created the Earth.? (Akpos pokes a girl’s back with a pencil) GIRL : Oh God.! TEACHER : Good.. Correct answer.!! TEACHER : Who was Born on 25 Dec.? (Akpos again pokes the girl’s back) GIRL : Oh Jesus.!! TEACHER : Very good.. Correct answer.. TEACHER : What did Eve tell Adam when they had their 17th Baby.?? (Akpos pokes the girl’s back yet again.) GIRL : If you Stick that ‘Thing’ on Me Öne More Time, I’m going to Break It into Half.. Teacher fainted.!! Like or Comment if u Really get it

Akpos, a coffin maker was on his way to deliver a coffin when his van broke down. He then decided to carry the coffin on his head and walk down to his destination. As he was walking Nigeria Police saw him and shouted; Stop there! Where are you going with that thing. Akpos stared at them in a strange manner. They shouted; Are you not the one we are talking to. Akpos then said; I don't like the place i was buried. So i am relocating. The Police Men took to their heels. One word for Akpos.

Breaking News: Ex-ASUU President, Festus Iyayi, is Dead *ASUU cancels NEC meetingA former President of the Academic Staff Union of Universities, Dr. Festus Iyayi, died on Tuesday in a car crash on Lokoja-Abuja Expressway. Iyayi was returning from a meeting in one of the Northern ASUU chapters when the accident occurred. He was in company with some ASUU leaders and they were said to be returning from Kano where they sought the views of members on ending the four-month-old ASUU strike. Daily Times could not confirm the total number of casualties in the crash. However, his death has led to the postment of ASUU's executive meeting, which was to have met Wednesday to decide whether they should call of their four-month old strike. More details later.

ASUU meets tomorrow; may call off strike Wed/Thurs in Kano THE Academic Staff Union of Nigerian Universities (ASUU) will tomorrow hold a referendum, where the lecturers will discuss the outcome of this week’s meeting with President Goodluck Jonathan. At tomorrow’s meeting, the varsity teachers are expected to review the months long industrial action and take a decision on whether or not to end the four-month-old strike. Already, notices were said to have been sent out by the local chapters of ASUU to their members, calling on them to attend, so they could be part of the important meeting. The NEC of the union will meet on Wednesday in Kano to ratify the decision of the congresses after which a decision to end or continue the strike will be taken. It will be the first time the lecturers will meet, after the 13-hour long meeting they held with the president and observers are optimistic that the strike will be called off soon.

ASUU STRIKE UPDATE : ASUU Gives FG Final Condition Before They End The Strike It is not yet over, as the Academic Staff Union of Universities (ASUU) has given the Government conditions to be met before the union would finally call off its over four-month old strike. “I must tell you that our mandate remains. The only mandate we have is that 2009 agreement must be met. We have not reached any agreement with the Federal Government. “ Since the Federal Government wants to be releasing N220bn every year for five years, then all monetary and regulatory agencies must sign…. The reason we will ensure this is that we don’t want argument tomorrow that the agreement was entered in error or that they don’t know the implication of signing the agreement. If possible, documents that will provide for automatic deduction of the agreed money at a particular/agreed date must be provided.” A prominent member of the union, who craved anonymity because he was not authorised to speak on behalf of the union, told Punch that doing this would give the association the confidence that “the Government knows what it is doing when it signed the agreement.”He said, “The Central Bank of Nigeria, Ministries of Finance and Labour, National Assembly, Office of the Presidency, National Universities Commission, Tertiary Education Trust Fund, Trade Union Congress and our umbrella body, the Nigeria Labour Congress, must sign with consequences stated.” Recall that the leadership of ASUU had engaged in a 13-hour marathon meeting with government delegation led by President Goodluck Jonathan in Abuja between Monday and Tuesday.Asked when the lecturers would call off the strike, a source who was at the meeting said, “I doubt if the strike is ending soon. The problem is with the Finance Minister. Where is government getting N1trn from? A government that could not implement agreement between 2009 and 2013, what is the guarantee that they would honour this agreement.“It is all politics. We are still awaiting directives from our branches. We have told them the outcome of the meeting with the President but we are waiting for them to tell us what they think of government’s proposal. “Imagine the Minister of Education has travelled out of the country. He was appointed Vice President for UNESCO General Assembly. How can he travel out of the country without resolving the crisis in the education sector?’”The agreement reached by both ASUU and the Federal Government is that government would inject N1.1tn into public

ASUU STRIKE UPDATE : ASUU Gives FG Final Condition Before They End The Strike It is not yet over, as the Academic Staff Union of Universities (ASUU) has given the Government conditions to be met before the union would finally call off its over four-month old strike. “I must tell you that our mandate remains. The only mandate we have is that 2009 agreement must be met. We have not reached any agreement with the Federal Government. “ Since the Federal Government wants to be releasing N220bn every year for five years, then all monetary and regulatory agencies must sign…. The reason we will ensure this is that we don’t want argument tomorrow that the agreement was entered in error or that they don’t know the implication of signing the agreement. If possible, documents that will provide for automatic deduction of the agreed money at a particular/agreed date must be provided.” A prominent member of the union, who craved anonymity because he was not authorised to speak on behalf of the union, told Punch that doing this would give the association the confidence that “the Government knows what it is doing when it signed the agreement.”He said, “The Central Bank of Nigeria, Ministries of Finance and Labour, National Assembly, Office of the Presidency, National Universities Commission, Tertiary Education Trust Fund, Trade Union Congress and our umbrella body, the Nigeria Labour Congress, must sign with consequences stated.” Recall that the leadership of ASUU had engaged in a 13-hour marathon meeting with government delegation led by President Goodluck Jonathan in Abuja between Monday and Tuesday.Asked when the lecturers would call off the strike, a source who was at the meeting said, “I doubt if the strike is ending soon. The problem is with the Finance Minister. Where is government getting N1trn from? A government that could not implement agreement between 2009 and 2013, what is the guarantee that they would honour this agreement.“It is all politics. We are still awaiting directives from our branches. We have told them the outcome of the meeting with the President but we are waiting for them to tell us what they think of government’s proposal. “Imagine the Minister of Education has travelled out of the country. He was appointed Vice President for UNESCO General Assembly. How can he travel out of the country without resolving the crisis in the education sector?’”The agreement reached by both ASUU and the Federal Government is that government would inject N1.1tn into public universities in the next five years. But ASUU need guarantees that this will happen

AKPORS THE MADMAN A pilot was transporting a bunch of madmen from Lagos to a psychiatric facility in Johannesburg, South Africa. The madmen were making noise. So, one of them (Akpos) entered the Pilot’s Cabin; MADMAN (Akpos): Teach me how to fly a plane! PILOT : I would, but under one condition. Akpos : What ? PILOT : If you can get your colleagues to keep quiet. (5 minutes later, the plane was very quiet! PILOT : Wow!! How did you get them to keep quiet ? Akpos: I opened the door and asked them to go and play outside!!

ASUU Strike 2013: Union Begins Call Off Discussions november 7, 2013 by vnti leave a comment The Academic Staff Union of Universities, ASUU is set to convene its National Executive Committee this weekend to discuss the offer made to the union by the Federal Government to develop public Universities, it was learnt on Wednesday, and announce its decision to call off or continue the ongoing strike action. ASUU President, Dr. Nasir Faggae after a meeting with President Goodluck Jonathan which ended in the early hours of Tuesday had told reporters that the union would take back an undisclosed message to the striking lecturers. The Federal Government had offered to inject N1.1tn into public Universities in the next five years. The Punch gathered that the union had concluded arrangement to hold the meeting to collate the views of members before a final decision would be taken on whether to accept or reject the offer. Usually, the decision to embark on or to call off strike is taken at the union’s NEC meeting. It was gathered that the meeting might hold any day between now and next week Friday. In the hierarchy of ASUU, the zonal coordinators after a meeting of the national officers are to brief the branch chairmen who would consequently call for congress in their respective Universities. But a source who spoke on condition of anonymity said a meeting with the zonal coordinators usually take place two days after a major meeting with the Federal Government because they have to come from the nine zones of the country. He said, “There is a national strike coordinating committee comprising the national principal officers and the zonal coordinators which is the highest decision-making body. In the country, we have nine zones. After the meeting, the zonal coordinators will brief the branch chairmen who will now call for a congress to brief all members.” Asked if the strike would be called off soon, the source replied, “It is not a decision that could be taken in a hurry. All members must be carried along. We have a mandate which is very clear – that is the implementation of the 2009 agreement. Anything other than that, they will have to relate to members. The zonal coordinators will collate the decision of the branches and forward them to the national officers.” A chairman of a local branch of ASUU in a University in the South-West confided in one of our correspondents that the date for the NEC meeting would be communicated to all the chapters on Thursday (today). Another source said, “Before we embarked on the strike, there was a referendum. The referendum did not emanate from the principal officers but from the branches. Members must be briefed before any final decision could be taken.” Meanwhile, strong indications emerged on Wednesday that ASUU may soon call off its four-month old strike as the Nigeria Labour Congress described the meeting between President Jonathan and the leadership of the union as the most meaningful since 2009. The Acting General Secretary of the NLC, Mr. Chris Uyot, in a telephone interview with one of our correspondents on Wednesday, urged ASUU to explain to its members the offer the Federal Government had made to the striking lecturers in order to arrive at the next line of action. According to him, since ASUU is an affiliate of the NLC, it is the responsibility of the union to decide on whether to call off the strike or not in accordance with standard labour procedure. He said, “We simply advise that they carry out meaningful consultation with their members and ensure that whatever was offered was explained in totality to members of ASUU. “I want to say that since the agreement of 2009 was signed, and of the various negotiations that have taken place, this was the most meaningful of the meetings. “All discussions were taken aside and the issues in the 2009 agreement were examined, discussed and analyzed in totality. “Let the ASUU explain in totality the offer that was made to its members. Even the NLC has to explain to the members of the National Executive Council of the Congress before taking decisions in such matters. I can only say that calling off the strike depends on ASUU,” he added. VNTI ASUU Share this on your wall for your friends using buttons below For a Free Gift Today!!!

Teacher: what is MTN's motto? Akpors: na "Every where you go" Teacher: ok! If "MTN" and "PHCN", merge together, what will be there motto? Akpors: hahahahahahaha, dat one de simple na. Teacher: just ansa. Akpors: ok if MTN and PHCN merge together, there motto will be.............."hold your canddle every where you go". Teaher: fOOL like you,....ok wats the full meaning of PHCN? Akpors: phcn means: power holding candle of nigeria. Teacher just faint.

ASUU discusses Jonathan’s offer Posted by: Augustine Ehikioya, Abuja in Featured, News 12 hours ago Teachers won’t call off strike until after consultations, says leader After 13 hours of negotiations with the Federal Government, the Academic Staff Union of Universities (ASUU) got yesterday another offer towards the resolution of the crisis that has crippled the campuses for over four months. But ASUU President Dr. Nasir Isa Fagge, did not disclose the new Federal Government’s offer, insisting that its members have the final say on the issue. Lecturers were holding meetings on the various campuses last night over the government’s offer. Speaking with State House correspondents after the meeting with President Goodluck Jonathan at the First Lady’s Conference Room in the Presidential Villa, Fagge said the meeting was working towards tackling the problem of university education. He said: “Well, we have had lengthy meeting with Mr. President, rubbing minds on how best to address the problem of university education in this country. “And we now have a message from Mr. President we are going to take to our members. And we are expecting that our members will respond appropriately to the message of Mr. President.” On whether the lecturers are going back to the classroom, he said: “That is up to our members.” Asked what the message was, he said: “I can’t tell you. Its not for you. It is for our members.” If impressed with the message, he said: “Don’t put words into my mouth. Our members will determine that.” Also speaking at the end of the meeting, Minister of Labour Emeka Wogu said: “We made progress; the President of ASUU told you that they are going back with a message from the Federal Government to their members. And the message is full of high expectations and hope.” On whether the strike will be called off, he said: “That is why the message is full of high expectations and hope. So, our prayers is that they come back with positive outcome. They might not even come back to meet us; they might take decisions there that will meet your expectations.” “Nigerians should be patient for ASUU to finish their meetings and come out with a message to Nigerians.” Asked whether the government made a fresh offer, Wogu said: “Well, the offers we made are the offers they are taking in line with the 2009 agreement. The issues that led to the strike are issues contained in the 2009 agreement and we did not go beyond the agreement.” Before the meeting started on Monday afternoon, President Jonathan had assured the lecturers that the strike would be resolved . Jonathan, who took charge of the Federal Government’s negotiations with the lecturers, while exchanging pleasantries with the ASUU team, led by Fagge, said: “My president, all the problems will be over today, all our children must go back to school.” Also greeting the NLC President, Comrade Abdulwahab Omar at the beginning of the meeting, President Jonathan said: “My president, with you around today, there will be no problem; our agreement is signed, sealed and delivered.” On the Federal Government team were Vice President Namadi Sambo; Wogu; Supervising Minister of Education Nyesom Wike; Secretary to the Government of the Federation, Sen. Anyim Pius Anyim; National Universities Commission (NCC) Executive Secretary Prof Julius Okogie and Minister of Finance and Coordinating Minister for the Economy Dr. Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala. Also in the government team are the Chief of Staff, Chief Mike Oghiadhome and the Permanent Secretary in the Federal Ministry of Education, Dr. Mac John Nwaobiala. For ASUU were its Vice President, Prof Biodun Ogunyemi, three past presidents of ASUU, Profs. Festus Iyayi, Dipo Fashina and Abdullahi Sule-Kano. Others included Prof. Suleiman Abdul; Dr. Victor Igbum and Prof. Victor Osodeke. The ASUU team also had Omah and Trade Union President Bobboi Kaigama. The Presidency, on September 19, took over negotiations with the striking lecturers with Sambo heading the government’s side.

federal government and asuu>>>>na wa oooo

BREAKING NEWS: ASUU takes Jonathan's message to members •After 13 hours meetingThe over 13 hours meeting held by President Goodluck Jonathan with executive members of the Academic Staff Union of Universities (ASUU) ended at 3.35am on Tuesday morning. The ASUU executives told reporters who had kept vigil at the State House that they would take the president's message back to their members. Though they came out smiling, the president, Dr. Nasir Fagge, did not say what the message was when he spoke with the correspondents. The Labour Minister, Emeka Wogu, who also spoke with the press, just said what was discussed did not go beyond the 2009 agreement.

7 TRUTHS OF LIFE... Truth #1 : nobody is real in this world except Mother... Truth #2 : a poor person has no friends... Truth #3 : people do not like good thoughts they like good looks... Truth #4 : people respect the money not the person... Truth #5 : the person you love the most, will hurt you the most... Truth #6 : you cannot whistle and cough at the same time... Truth #7 : you've tried Truth #6 just NOW... True or False?....

Latest reports reaching us at this time reveals that the meeting between the President, and striking Lecturers of the Academic Staff Union Of Universities, ASUU just ended this morning, at about 6:30am. The meeting which began at 2:30pm yesterday, with the senate President, David Mark, without conclusion, and ended up with the President taking up proceedings at 6pm, in his bid to end the 4 Months Impasse. Both Parties went for a 15 Minutes break at 8pm and continued with the meeting at 9pm. After the meeting today, Our reporters gathered that both parties were reluctant to speak, but one who spoke to #VNTI Under anonymity said, The Union want to meet with her members for decision to be taken. However, #VNTI gathered that the “ASUU President, Dr Nasir Fagge Mentioned, that, “The Meeting Was Fruitful”, though nothing more was said. We would keep you all updated, as we get more informations. VNTI ASUU Share this on your wall for your friends using buttons below For a Free Gift Today!!!

Mother: akpos I'm sorry I slept with someone that is not your dad 23 years ago. And that person is your real father. Akpos: Mum, what rubbish! How am I to deal with this?! You should be hanged. Mother: I am sorry he was my first love and I could not marry him... because we are of different religion. He is on the phone at the moment and wants to speak with his son for the first time ever. Akpos: No I am speaking to no one. Bob is the only father i know and so will that be. Mother: Please don't be so upset. Just talk to him. Akpos: Ok, I will give him a piece of my mind! Akpos: Helloee Caller: Morning Son, I am Bill Gates . I am your real father. Akpos: Dad! Dad!! Dad!!! Thank God! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh Thank God!!!!!! Love u so much Dad!!!!! I’ve been looking for you for so long. Hit like if you get it..

What is LOBATAN? LOBATAN is when your boyfriend wants u to meet his family & on getting there the elder brother is your EX. The sister is the lady you just fought with over a man. The mother is d nurse who begged you not to abort your 4th pregnancy but u did.... The father is the sugar daddy who just bought you BB Q10...GBAM LOBATAN. Iike if its well defined!

A man had a bad case of stammering. He went to many doctors over the years but none of them could help. Finally One doctor said to him "I believe I found the reason for your stammering". The man asked,"wha wha wha what is my pro pro problem?" DOCTOR: Your d**k is very, very large.The weight of your d**k is causing a strain on your lynx, and this results in your stammering. The only solution to this is to perform a d**k transplant.. The man was really tired of his stammering, so he agreed to the transplant. Several days later,the doctor called the man up and informed him that they've found a suitable donor with a smaller d**k. The transplant operation was done successfully and the man could speak without any stutter. At first, he's happy, but after a while he began to miss his large d**k, and how the girls used to love it. He finally went back to his doctor and said, "Doctor,I'm grateful for the opportunity you have given me to speak without a stammer, but I miss my old d**k. Please find the transplant donor and tell him that we've to exchange d**ks back!" The doctor shook his head and replied,"That's im im im im im imp impo impo impossible..."

Akpors' father accompanied him to his school end of the year award party. As they sat watching and amidst great shouts and loud ovations, the beneficiaries were called to the podium for their award presentation. The following conversation ensued: Announcer: Best student in sciences, the winner is Eazy. Father: (Applause and eyes Akpors scornfully) see correct children! Announcer: Best student in commercial studies, the winner is Kelveen. Father: (Hisses and eyes Akpors) see correct children. Announcer: Best student in Arts and the winner is Osas. Father: (fuming with anger) See correct children!!. And so, all the awards were presented without any going to Akpors. At the end of the event, they left and went to the car park but as his dad made to start the car, the engine refused to respond. He opened the bonnet and touched a few things but all to no avail. Then they resorted to pushing and just as they got to the exit of the school the rickety car parked up. Exhausted and profusely sweating, Akpors rested on the gate just as his mates were driving off with their parents in Hummer jeep, Sequia, Infinity, Escalade, Bentley, Lincoln Nav and other exotic cars. All of a sudden,Akpors burst into laughter. His puzzled father asked, 'what's so funny?' Akpors burst into tears and responded 'SEE CORRECT FATHERS!'.

Three Men, A Philosopher, A Mathematician And Akpos,Were Out Riding In The Car When It Crashed Into A Tree. Before Anyone Knows It, The Three Men Found Themselves Standing Before The Pearly Gates Of Heaven, Where St. Peter And The Devil Were Standing Nearby. “Gentlemen,” The Devil Started, “Due To The Fact That Heaven Is Now Overcrowded, Therefore St. Peter Has Agreed To Limit The Number Of People Entering Heaven. If AnyoneOf You Can Ask Me A Question Which I Don’t Know Or Cannot Answer, Then You’re Worthy Enough To GoTo Heaven; If Not, Then You’ll Come With Me To Hell.” The Philosopher Then Stepped Up, “OK, Give Me The Most comprehensive Report On Socrates’ Teachings.” With A Snap Of His Finger, A Stack Of Paper Appeared Next To The Devil. The Philosopher Read It And Concluded It Was Correct. “Then, Go To Hell!” With Another Snap Of His Finger, The Philosopher Disappeared. The Mathematician Then Asked, “Give Me The Most Complicated Formula You Can Ever Think Of!” With A Snap Of His Finger, Another Stack Of Paper Appeared Next To The Devil. The Mathematician Read It And Reluctantly AgreedIt Was Correct. “Then, Go To Hell!” With Another Snap Of His Finger, The Mathematician Disappeared, Too. Akpos Then Stepped Forward And Said, “Bring Me A Chair!” The Devil Brought Forward A Chair. “Drill 7 Holes On The Seat”, Said The Idiot. The Devil Did Just That. Akpos Then Sat On The Chair And Let Out A Very Loud Fart. Standing Up, He Asked, “Which HoleDid My Fart Come Out From?” The Devil Inspected The Seat And Said, “The Third H0le From The Right.” “Wrong,” Said Akpors, “It’s From My Assh0le.” ....Akpos Went To Heaven

ASUU Strike: Nigerian Varsities To Open Next Week, With Or Without ASUU? The latest news coming your way on ASUU strike is that the FG is set to open Nigerian Universities with or without ASUU, according to ScanNews Nigeria. President Goodluck Jonathan will on Monday, November 4, meet with the leadership of ASUU at the Presidential Villa. An official of the Vice President’s office who pleaded anonymity told Scan News that all hands are now on deck to ensure that the Universities resume next week. The President will at next Monday’s meeting present to the ASUU leadership the administration’s last concession for them to call off the prolonged strike. A source at the Presidential Villa noted that if ASUU fails to call off, the Federal Government will then resort to plan B, which will be to compulsorily open the Universities, using the instrumentality of the governing councils and the school managements. Already, most of the governing councils of the Universities have started meeting to work out modalities for the compulsory re-opening of the Universities should ASUU fail to honour the personal request of President Jonathan. It was gathered that security report available to the Presidency may have necessitated this line of action to salvage the Universities system from the direction it is facing at present. Click here to read all the other latest ASUU Strike News Updates…

Akpos who is dying in the hospital is surrounded by his two sons, daughter, his wife and nurse. Says to his eldest son: To you, Peter, I leave the Airport houses. To you, my dear daughter, I leave the apartment blocks in East Legon To you, Charlie, being my youngest son with a large future, I leave the City Center offices. And you, my dear wife, the three residential building towers at Tetteh Quarshie The nurse, impressed, tells his wife: Madam, your husband is very rich. He has so many properties! You all are so lucky!! And the wife retorts: Rich??? Lucky??? Our whole family works for the cleaning company. Those are his Job schedules for cleaning!

AKPOS JOKES!!! ASUU Executives Were Called For A Meeting In The UK... So They All Met At The Murtala Muhammed International Airport In Lagos. While They Were Seated And Relaxed In The Plane, They Were Informed That The Plane Was Built by a Group Of Students From Nigeria's Universities And The Plane Was On Its First Experimental Trip. They All Ran Out Of The Plane, Except One Person, When He Was Asked By The Other Staff, His Reason For Remaining, He Said "If It Is Made By Our Students, It Will Not Even Start."