akpos the commedian: 2014

Saturday, May 31, 2014

Devil call Boko Haram, the following conversation was made: DEVIL: Helo! BOKOHARAM: Helo who i dey talk wit? DEVIL: dis is devil, i want to speak to Boko Haram. BOKO HARAM: yoowa! U ar welcm to Bokoharam. watin can we do 4 u? DEVIL: the thing wey una dey do shey e gud? BOKOHARAM: Watin we do? DEVIL: Una dey fall my hand no b smal o. BOKO HARAM: Devil Watin hapen? talk to us. DEVIL: U colect my title finish u dey ask me watin hapen BOKO HARAM: na whch title we colect frm u? DEVIL: No dey ask me rubbish, shey u go tel me say u no know watin una colect frm me? BOKOHARAM: We no knw abeg yarn us na. DEVIL: since una come out i don luz my respect. People no dey fear me like b4 again. Una wan take ova frm me abi?. Evrybody now dey fear una. BOKO HARAM: Devil watin make u talk so? DEVIL: go to d street an see 4 ursef, na una word dem dey talk up and down, dem dey panik, 4 radio nko dat one na daily basis, 4 TV dat one na evry hr. What of church, na una b d prayer point. How una take do am wey evrybody com dey fear una pas me d Devil? BOKO HARAM: Hahahaha u wan knw watin hw we do am? DEVIL: yez now tel me d secret wey make people dey fear u mor than me. BOKOHARAM: Oya tel us wia u dey stay? DEVIL: Why u dey ask wia i dey stay? BOKOHARAM: nothin, jux giv us ur adres DEVIL: Abeg make we leav dat one jo. BOKOHARAM: jux tel us ur abode thats all. DEVIL: dats nt all o. Bokoharm Una don start again, i get wife and pikin 4 haux o. BOKO HARAM: What does that mean? Ar u afraid of us? DEVIL: I dey craze? Why i no go fear? Una no wan make i live long abi? Abeg make una take over, no problem. (Make i cut d phone b4 Dem track dis cal)... Lwtmb... Moni pals........api wkend

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Guys wey dey always brag about their Hustle, you hustle reach Judas? That guy sold Jesus. Mehn # Hustle_of_life. * Ugly girls getting married every Saturday, the pretty ones will be buying ASO EBI, looking glamorous in the wedding pictures, waiting for Dangote's son. * Shout out to all the girls who feel they need to wash noodles before cooking it. I respect your Hygiene. * I bet Messages from mobile operators in 2050 will say "DEAR CUSTOMERS, GET YOUR WIFE PREGNANT TODAY WITHOUT STRUGGLE, SMS "CHILD" TO 12345" * You are 20years and dating a 52year old man and then you call him your Baby, is he your baby or ancestor? SMH, your matter dey Shiloh. * One good thing about been ugly. At least you would be least considered if @all e catch u self, for rituals. Dem no dey use JUJU do JUJU na! * You dey snap facebook pictures for another person Hummer, don't worry Honey when thievies go find you come, dem go nack you Hammer. * At the age of 40, you still dey your Mama House dey drag Head of fish with your siblings...... Chai! The witch wey dey your village carry your picture dey fan herself, Abi na devil dey dance "COUP D'ECALE" with your destiny. * You be housemaid and you dey sing "I'M THE BOSS BY RICK ROSS" Mehn you get case for C.A.C * You are a first class graduate at 40years without any job and you dey follow Lil Wayne dey sing "I AINT GOT NO WORRIES". My Dear, even the devil is weeping for you. * Opportunity knocks but once. If you hear a 2nd knock, My Brother/My Sister, check well, na Jehovah witness. * if read all this Note above and u no laff, na bcoz say food no dey ur hause that's why * if just read and leave, aint sure if ur name dey 2015 # fact

Sunday, March 23, 2014

akpos ¤¤AKPOS IN A MATHEMATIC CLASS TO SOLVE A QUESTION¤¤ In a mathematics class, the teacher wrote on the blackboard 8xy+3gy-14(18/3)=3g-7yx Then he called little Akpos and said “Please Akpos come and solve this little problem for us” Gladly and quickly, Akpos walked to the blackboard, took the duster and wiped the whole blackboard clean.. Then he turns to the teacher and says, ”The problem is solved and disappear sir”

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Akpors escaped from Yaba Psychiatric Hospital. When he got home, he called the Psychiatric Hospital on phone and asked; Is there any one in Room eight at Ward one? The Receptionist on phone replied; "Just a minute sir hold on let me check." A while later the Receptionist came back on the phone and said; "There is no one sir." Akpors exclaimed; Wow! Okay my dear, thank you. The Receptionist said; "But why did you ask sir?." Akpors replied; Nothing much, I just wanted to confirm whether I really escaped!

Friday, February 28, 2014

PG 18+ OMOKOMO! Akpors saw his father and mother in bed "at it" so he asked, "daddy, what are you doing?" His father replied, ... "I am beating your mummy" Akpors thought for a while (with a sad face) and said, "Mama, but what offense at all have you committed in this house? Today four different men have beaten you, first was the gateman Idrissu, then Abuga the painter, that albino postman also beat you and now daddy, WHYYYYY?"

Akpos who has lived in Ghana all his life, just got admission into one of the Nigerian institutions. At the first day of lecture, the following conversation erupted... The Lecturer said, lets begin by reviewing some Nigerian history. The Lecturer asked who said, "I shall return to die in the land of my fathers?" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Akpos, who had his hand up. Akpos replied: "King Jaja of Opobo, 1875" Very good! said lecturer. Then, she asked again, who said, "The land use act will feed the nation?" Again, no response except from Akpos: "obasanjo , 1976." The Lecturer snapped at the class; class, you should be ashamed. Akpos, who is new to our Country, knows more about our history than you do. The Lecturer heard a loud whisper: "Ghana must go". who said that? she demanded, Akpos put his hand up, "Buhari 1984". At that point, a student at the back scornfully said; Hmmm, you think you are smart? The Lecturer glared and asked; "All right"! Now, who said that? Again, Akpos said, "Babangida to Abiola, 1992". Hmmm, a Student at the back smilled I dey laugh ooh, Akpos smiled back and said Obasanjo to Atiku 2001. Now furious, another student yelled; "Oh yeah! Eat this"! Akpos jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the Lecturer, "Indian mistress giving an apple to Abacha, 1998". Now, with almost mob hyseria, someone said; "You little poo. If you say anything else, I"ll kill you." Akpos frantically yelled at the top of his voice; "Chris Uba to Ngige, 2004!" The Lecturer fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said; "Oh poo, we're in Big trouble now!" Akpos whispered; "Chimaroke Nnamani, Ayodele Fayose and Lucky Igbinedon 2007". Someone angrily said; "Dont answer him, he is a fool" Akpors smiled and replied; "Obansanjo to IBB, 2011" Now, the Lecturer managed to get up and asked Akpos; "please, who're you? Show your self"... Akpos jumped, yelled and said; "Jonathan to BOKO HARAM, 2012" I THINK AKPOS DESERVES OUR LIKES AND SHARE ON THIS!!

Saturday, February 22, 2014

There was a Lady who was engaged to Four Men: A Hunter, An Artiste, A Doctor and A Fisherman. One day she went to wash clothes by the river and all the Four Men were also at the river. Suddenly a crocodile bite her and dragged her into the water. The Artiste quickly compose a Sweet and Melodious Song that the crocodile raised its head above the water to listen to the song. The hunter shot the crocodile on its head and died. Then the lady floated on water. The fisherman also jumped into the river to brought her to the shore. Then the doctoron the other side took her to his hospital, treated her injuries and she was well again. *THE QUESTION: Pls, Who Deserves That Girl?

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Akpos and his friend chiwendu went into the forest in search of lions. At the end of the day they found nothing. And decided to make a camp in the bush the next morning akpos woke up and saw 300 lions surrounding them. "Chiwendu, wake up!. we don hammer!!!

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

A married woman entered a Pharmacy , walked to the Pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes and said, ' I would like to buy FAST HUMAN POISON the Pharmacist asked , ' why , what... for ? the lady replied , ' I need it to poison my husband ', The Pharmacist shouted, ' Lord have mercy , it's against the law!! It's a sin. Absolutely not , ' shouted the lady. She reached into her bag and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the Pharmacist's wife . The pharmacist looked at the picture and screamed, Why didn't you tell me you have a Prescription...aw ur val tin...

Monday, February 17, 2014

A very poor Man Akpos who had no wife, no child, no money, no home, a blind mother, saw a magician one day who promised to grant him only one wish. The Magician said to him; Tell me one thing you wish and i will do it for you right now. Akpos said; Okay, i have one wish, i want my mother to see my wife carrying two out of my children in my hummer jeep parked near the swimming pool in one of my many mansions situated at London city. The Magician fainted! One word for Akpos

Monday, January 6, 2014

Angels: Almighty Father, we are tired of these Nigerians ... in heaven o GOD: What have they done this time? Angels: Everything! They don't listen to instructions! They don't obey traffic rules, they don’t wait for their turn in anything! They are reckless! (exasperated). In fact they have turned heaven upside down since the first time we started admitting them. GOD: Pls, bear with them. They are very special to me...ehm let me call Satan in hell to see how he's doing.... (phone rings) hell-o Lucifer, how are things over there…? Satan: Baba God, pls call me later. There's an issue I'm trying to resolve. (ten minutes later) GOD: hell-o Lucifer Satan: I'll call you back. The issue has turned into a crisis. (one hour later) Satan; Sorry Baba GOD. GOD: Lucifer are you having problems over there? Satan: It is these Nigerians I have with me in hell. He (stammers) they.. they....they have quenched the fire in hell and installed air conditioners"

Corper Akpos was part of the invigillators in a GCE exams holding in the school he is serving, right inside the school when the exam was on going, one sexy gal who was wearing a very short skirt and looking gorgeous was cutting eye for Corper Akpos, giving the Akpos a seductive look, so the guy went straight to the gal to find what her problem is,and Corper Akpos gave the gal d solution to the mathematics question. So, after the exam, Corper Akpos followed d gal up to arrange of how they would meet and the gal said: do u think I'm a prostitute? All those actions I was displaying for u in the hall are fake oooo, thats my boyfriend waiting for me..Mugu!..and she laughed!....Corper Akpos said: do u think I read Mathematics? I studied Yoruba in school, all those answers I gave to you are fake!............

Saturday, January 4, 2014

A pastor in a sunday church service said to the congregation; If you know your wife is beautiful come out and sow a wonderful seed. People whose wife were beautiful started coming out and dropping 2, 3, 4 Thousand Naira and so on. A man Akpos came out and dropped 5 naira. The pastor asked; Mr man, is your wife not beautiful? Why did you drop 5 Naira? Akpos replied; Pastor, if you see my wife, you will give me change. One word for Akpos.