Pastor : There's a man here... Akpors : (shouts 4rm d crowd) It is me! Pastor : I repeat, There's a man here.. Akpors : (shouts from d crowd) it is me and my family. Pastor: I say there's a man Here.. Akpors : (shouts from d crowd) it is me ooooooh!!! Pastor : They have been sucking your blood for 5yrs now nd tomorrow u'll die. Akpors : Ah!!! no be me ooooh... Bye bye pastor

*If you like bleach yourself until u are brighter than ur future, it wil not make him love u more. *if you like dye ur hair likek sisqo or attach a weavon to ur eyes and say it eyelashes and try to look like Lady GaGa, it doesnt make u classy. *If u like use handkerchief as dress...wearing skimpy dresses and exposing all you have got, it doesnt make u sexy.(u are naked) Trying to be someone else can only make u look like a monster but being yourself makes uou beautiful and unique.

Akpos had been promoted to primary 5 and the teacher Miss Erimma was going round asking the pupils addition questions. She got to the first boy and asked "40 + 6" the boy replied "forty six" "good" teacher replied and moved on "yes you, " 50+4" and the pupil replied "madam fifty four ".... again good the teacher remarked The teacher went round and round and round till she got to the last seat occupied the boy himself Akpos the teacher asked "yes you, Akpos, 60 + 10 ?" Akpos stood up and stammered " Ma-ma-ma Madam, its SIXTY TEN" The teacher miscarried her 8months old pregnancy instantly!!! . . . How Many Like For Akpos

Akpos had been promoted to primary 5 and the teacher Miss Erimma was going round asking the pupils addition questions. She got to the first boy and asked "40 + 6" the boy replied "forty six" "good" teacher replied and moved on "yes you, " 50+4" and the pupil replied "madam fifty four ".... again good the teacher remarked The teacher went round and round and round till she got to the last seat occupied the boy himself Akpos the teacher asked "yes you, Akpos, 60 + 10 ?" Akpos stood up and stammered " Ma-ma-ma Madam, its SIXTY TEN" The teacher miscarried her 8months old pregnancy instantly!!! . . . How Many Like For Akpos

Akpos had been promoted to primary 5 and the teacher Miss Erimma was going round asking the pupils addition questions. She got to the first boy and asked "40 + 6" the boy replied "forty six" "good" teacher replied and moved on "yes you, " 50+4" and the pupil replied "madam fifty four ".... again good the teacher remarked The teacher went round and round and round till she got to the last seat occupied the boy himself Akpos the teacher asked "yes you, Akpos, 60 + 10 ?" Akpos stood up and stammered " Ma-ma-ma Madam, its SIXTY TEN" The teacher miscarried her 8months old pregnancy instantly!!! . . . How Many Like For Akpos

Akpos had been promoted to primary 5 and the teacher Miss Erimma was going round asking the pupils addition questions. She got to the first boy and asked "40 + 6" the boy replied "forty six" "good" teacher replied and moved on "yes you, " 50+4" and the pupil replied "madam fifty four ".... again good the teacher remarked The teacher went round and round and round till she got to the last seat occupied the boy himself Akpos the teacher asked "yes you, Akpos, 60 + 10 ?" Akpos stood up and stammered " Ma-ma-ma Madam, its SIXTY TEN" The teacher miscarried her 8months old pregnancy instantly!!! . . . How Many Like For Akpos

Akpos had been promoted to primary 5 and the teacher Miss Erimma was going round asking the pupils addition questions. She got to the first boy and asked "40 + 6" the boy replied "forty six" "good" teacher replied and moved on "yes you, " 50+4" and the pupil replied "madam fifty four ".... again good the teacher remarked The teacher went round and round and round till she got to the last seat occupied the boy himself Akpos the teacher asked "yes you, Akpos, 60 + 10 ?" Akpos stood up and stammered " Ma-ma-ma Madam, its SIXTY TEN" The teacher miscarried her 8months old pregnancy instantly!!! . . . How Many Like For Akpos

Teacher:- what's wrong? Akpos :- our house is very small. Me, my mum,my dad, we sleep on the same bed. Every night my dad asks, 'Akpos r u sleeping?' Then I say No & then he slaps my face & gives me a Black eye" Teacher:- 2nite when ur dad asks again, keep dead quiet & don't answer. The following morning Akpos comes back with a severe black eye again. Teacher:- My goodness why the black eye again? Akpos:- Dad asked me again, Akpos are u sleeping? & I shut up& kept dead still.Then my dad & my mom started moving, u know, at the same time Mum was breathing like Christmas chicken, kicking her legs up frantically & squealing like a hyena on the bed. Then my dad asked my mum, R u coming? Mum said, Yes I'm coming, r u coming too? Dad answered:- Yes. They don't usually go anywhere without me so I said, wait for me, I'm also coming ..

REAL NAME: AKPOS .NICK NAME: THE WISE ONE.HOBBIES: Collecting teeth from live lion, catching bullets with bare hands, Jogging up & down mount Everest.MY RECORD: Fought with a tyrannosaurus rex and broke its neck, skinned a crocodile alive, held my breathe under water for2months, 3weeks, 6hrs, 51mins, 45seconds... d list is much.GREATEST ACHIEVEMENTS: Went to heaven to charge my phone. Fluent in 10,598 languages, 1st man to land on the sun.SILLIEST THING I'VE DONE: Ate a bowl of plastic fruit on thanksgiving day.EMBARRASSING MOMENT: Couldn't kill 100 bears with a single punch, only 99 died instantly and the last one is now animbecile.PROUDEST MOMENTS: Firstly, When a cobra broke its teeth and died after biting me and secondly, I roasted a dragon at my backyard with a lighter.SOMETHING ABOUT ME: I'm the GODs greatess and I really don't liketo show off...... Wishing you a fufilled and blessful week ahead.

Akpos has been admiring his neighbor's wife. The neighbor's wife always gives him this seductive smile whenever they greet each other. Akpos didn't know how to approach the lady to tell her of his desires because she's married. So,one day the lady herself approached Akpors alone in his apartment. AKPOS: Hi. LADY: Hi. AKPOS: Is everything alright? LADY: Yes. Just need little help from you (Smiling seductively). AKPOS: Wow! Anything for the angel. LADY: I...I...I...just don't know how to say this. I'll be so ashamed of myself if I ask and you say no. AKPOS: Oh my lady. you don't have to. I am ready to do anything for you. LADY: You know, it's been over 3 weeks since my husband travelled... AKPOS: Yes! Yes! Yes! LADY: And even when he's around,he has some... (pause for a while) he has some disabilities... AKPOS: Oh poor you... You must have been going through hell! LADY: I know you'll be stronger than him... AKPOS: Sure. LADY: Can you help me? AKPOS: Wow! Now? Sure, I'm ready if you are ready. LADY: Oh thanks goodness! that's why I came to you. Can you help me carry our deep freezer from our kitchen to the next street for repairs? Akpos nearly Cried!!!

One boring monday morning, Mr. Tinko the English teacher enter Akpos class and addressed them. He started: lets show the principal and our quest how much we have learnt so far this year. Lets do some comparisions……So i say small, you say small, smaller, smallest.. [we all nodded, looking very tired] Mr. Tinko: big Akpos Class: big, bigger ,biggest Mr. Tinko: clean Akpos Class: clean, cleaner, cleanest.. Mr. Tinko: tall… Akpos Class: tall, taller, tallest Mr. Tinko: Mr. Tinko smiled and said: very good Akpos Class: very good, very gooder, very goodest Mr. Tinko: oh gosh. Akpos Class: oh gosh, oh gosher, oh goshest Mr. Tinko: stop it now Akpos Class: stop it now, stop it nower, stop it nowest… Mr. Tinko: oh please… Akpos Class: oh please, oh pleaser, oh pleasest… Mr. Tinko: look at me…!! Akpos Class: look at me, look at me-er, look at me-est Mr. Tinko: what a disgrace. Akpos Class: what a disgrace, what a disgracer,what a disgracest Mr. Tinko: [so furious]:i don die………… Akpos Class: i don die,.. i don dier, i don diest.

B-R-E-A-K-I-N-G News!!! ASUU Calls Off 5 Months Strike. The Academic staff of University union, (ASUU) has voted in Kano to call off their 5 months old strike. The Union leaders resolved to inform the president about their decision on Monday, November 25, 2013. more Details coming soon!!!

Akpos' First day in a new Secondary School. The Teacher told the class that there will be an elementary science test the next week. Contrary to his nature, Akpos read his book from cover to cover like no man's business. On the test day, the teacher lines up about 5 birds, covering each with a piece of cloth so only their legs are visible. Question 1: Looking at the leg of a bird write down its' common name, species, family, zoological name, habitat etc. After about 20 minutes of frustration and not writing down anything, Akpos storms to the teacher's desk and slams his blank sheet in front of the teacher and said; Sir, this test makes no sense! I am going home! The Teacher said; What a rude boy! Come back here. What is your name? Akpos raised his trouser, pointed to his leg and said; 'Oya you too, look at my leg, tell me my name, my surname, where I live and the tribe I come from. One word for Akpos.

Akpos' First day in a new Secondary School. The Teacher told the class that there will be an elementary science test the next week. Contrary to his nature, Akpos read his book from cover to cover like no man's business. On the test day, the teacher lines up about 5 birds, covering each with a piece of cloth so only their legs are visible. Question 1: Looking at the leg of a bird write down its' common name, species, family, zoological name, habitat etc. After about 20 minutes of frustration and not writing down anything, Akpos storms to the teacher's desk and slams his blank sheet in front of the teacher and said; Sir, this test makes no sense! I am going home! The Teacher said; What a rude boy! Come back here. What is your name? Akpos raised his trouser, pointed to his leg and said; 'Oya you too, look at my leg, tell me my name, my surname, where I live and the tribe I come from. One word for Akpos.

Akpos and his gang went to rob a city bank. Everybody down! Akpos shouted. Everyone laid flat on the ground. Where is the bank manager? He asked. A young gentle man stood up and said; Here i am. Open the safe and bring out all the money. Akpos commanded. The young man kindly replied; Sir, this thing you are doing is not good o. It is a crime against society and humanity. Shut up!... Akpos angrily retorted. If not because it is a toy gun i'm holding, i would have blown off your brain. Akpos is currently receiving treatment at the prison hospital. One word for Akpos.

Akpos in a hurry used the ladies 'toilet in a posh hotel'.. He sat down and noticed four buttons - WW, WA, PP & APR. Curious, he pressed WW & his butt was gently sprayed with WARM WATER, he loved it so much! He then pressed WA & a blast of WARM AIR dried him up. Still loving it, He pressed PP & a POWDER PUFF to make him smell fresh. Feeling pampered, he decided to press the last button APR. He later woke up in a hospital. A nurse smiled & said to him, Sir, APR means AUTOMATIC PAD REMOVER. When the machine couldn't find a pad on you, it went for your balls. Your balls are in the jar over there!

A business man Akpos was coming out of his range rover car when a small boy approached him and asked; What is the secret of your wealth. Akpos replied; You have to use your number 6 in 6 ways. The boy was surprised and asked; How in 6 ways. Akpos replied; I only do business 6 times in a year. One, i sell bags of rice during christmas season. Two, i sell children clothes during children's day celebration. Three, i sell poultry birds during the easter celebration period. Four, i sell condoms on valentine's day. Five, i sell indian hemp on Bob Marley's rememberance day. So, you see why i'm successful. The boy said; But you did not tell me the 6th. Akpos smiled and said; Six, i go on VACATION. Boy: To where? Akpos: PRISON. One word for Akpos.

TEACHER : Who Created the Earth.? (Akpos pokes a girl’s back with a pencil) GIRL : Oh God.! TEACHER : Good.. Correct answer.!! TEACHER : Who was Born on 25 Dec.? (Akpos again pokes the girl’s back) GIRL : Oh Jesus.!! TEACHER : Very good.. Correct answer.. TEACHER : What did Eve tell Adam when they had their 17th Baby.?? (Akpos pokes the girl’s back yet again.) GIRL : If you Stick that ‘Thing’ on Me Öne More Time, I’m going to Break It into Half.. Teacher fainted.!! Like or Comment if u Really get it

Akpos, a coffin maker was on his way to deliver a coffin when his van broke down. He then decided to carry the coffin on his head and walk down to his destination. As he was walking Nigeria Police saw him and shouted; Stop there! Where are you going with that thing. Akpos stared at them in a strange manner. They shouted; Are you not the one we are talking to. Akpos then said; I don't like the place i was buried. So i am relocating. The Police Men took to their heels. One word for Akpos.

Breaking News: Ex-ASUU President, Festus Iyayi, is Dead *ASUU cancels NEC meetingA former President of the Academic Staff Union of Universities, Dr. Festus Iyayi, died on Tuesday in a car crash on Lokoja-Abuja Expressway. Iyayi was returning from a meeting in one of the Northern ASUU chapters when the accident occurred. He was in company with some ASUU leaders and they were said to be returning from Kano where they sought the views of members on ending the four-month-old ASUU strike. Daily Times could not confirm the total number of casualties in the crash. However, his death has led to the postment of ASUU's executive meeting, which was to have met Wednesday to decide whether they should call of their four-month old strike. More details later.

ASUU meets tomorrow; may call off strike Wed/Thurs in Kano THE Academic Staff Union of Nigerian Universities (ASUU) will tomorrow hold a referendum, where the lecturers will discuss the outcome of this week’s meeting with President Goodluck Jonathan. At tomorrow’s meeting, the varsity teachers are expected to review the months long industrial action and take a decision on whether or not to end the four-month-old strike. Already, notices were said to have been sent out by the local chapters of ASUU to their members, calling on them to attend, so they could be part of the important meeting. The NEC of the union will meet on Wednesday in Kano to ratify the decision of the congresses after which a decision to end or continue the strike will be taken. It will be the first time the lecturers will meet, after the 13-hour long meeting they held with the president and observers are optimistic that the strike will be called off soon.

ASUU STRIKE UPDATE : ASUU Gives FG Final Condition Before They End The Strike It is not yet over, as the Academic Staff Union of Universities (ASUU) has given the Government conditions to be met before the union would finally call off its over four-month old strike. “I must tell you that our mandate remains. The only mandate we have is that 2009 agreement must be met. We have not reached any agreement with the Federal Government. “ Since the Federal Government wants to be releasing N220bn every year for five years, then all monetary and regulatory agencies must sign…. The reason we will ensure this is that we don’t want argument tomorrow that the agreement was entered in error or that they don’t know the implication of signing the agreement. If possible, documents that will provide for automatic deduction of the agreed money at a particular/agreed date must be provided.” A prominent member of the union, who craved anonymity because he was not authorised to speak on behalf of the union, told Punch that doing this would give the association the confidence that “the Government knows what it is doing when it signed the agreement.”He said, “The Central Bank of Nigeria, Ministries of Finance and Labour, National Assembly, Office of the Presidency, National Universities Commission, Tertiary Education Trust Fund, Trade Union Congress and our umbrella body, the Nigeria Labour Congress, must sign with consequences stated.” Recall that the leadership of ASUU had engaged in a 13-hour marathon meeting with government delegation led by President Goodluck Jonathan in Abuja between Monday and Tuesday.Asked when the lecturers would call off the strike, a source who was at the meeting said, “I doubt if the strike is ending soon. The problem is with the Finance Minister. Where is government getting N1trn from? A government that could not implement agreement between 2009 and 2013, what is the guarantee that they would honour this agreement.“It is all politics. We are still awaiting directives from our branches. We have told them the outcome of the meeting with the President but we are waiting for them to tell us what they think of government’s proposal. “Imagine the Minister of Education has travelled out of the country. He was appointed Vice President for UNESCO General Assembly. How can he travel out of the country without resolving the crisis in the education sector?’”The agreement reached by both ASUU and the Federal Government is that government would inject N1.1tn into public

ASUU STRIKE UPDATE : ASUU Gives FG Final Condition Before They End The Strike It is not yet over, as the Academic Staff Union of Universities (ASUU) has given the Government conditions to be met before the union would finally call off its over four-month old strike. “I must tell you that our mandate remains. The only mandate we have is that 2009 agreement must be met. We have not reached any agreement with the Federal Government. “ Since the Federal Government wants to be releasing N220bn every year for five years, then all monetary and regulatory agencies must sign…. The reason we will ensure this is that we don’t want argument tomorrow that the agreement was entered in error or that they don’t know the implication of signing the agreement. If possible, documents that will provide for automatic deduction of the agreed money at a particular/agreed date must be provided.” A prominent member of the union, who craved anonymity because he was not authorised to speak on behalf of the union, told Punch that doing this would give the association the confidence that “the Government knows what it is doing when it signed the agreement.”He said, “The Central Bank of Nigeria, Ministries of Finance and Labour, National Assembly, Office of the Presidency, National Universities Commission, Tertiary Education Trust Fund, Trade Union Congress and our umbrella body, the Nigeria Labour Congress, must sign with consequences stated.” Recall that the leadership of ASUU had engaged in a 13-hour marathon meeting with government delegation led by President Goodluck Jonathan in Abuja between Monday and Tuesday.Asked when the lecturers would call off the strike, a source who was at the meeting said, “I doubt if the strike is ending soon. The problem is with the Finance Minister. Where is government getting N1trn from? A government that could not implement agreement between 2009 and 2013, what is the guarantee that they would honour this agreement.“It is all politics. We are still awaiting directives from our branches. We have told them the outcome of the meeting with the President but we are waiting for them to tell us what they think of government’s proposal. “Imagine the Minister of Education has travelled out of the country. He was appointed Vice President for UNESCO General Assembly. How can he travel out of the country without resolving the crisis in the education sector?’”The agreement reached by both ASUU and the Federal Government is that government would inject N1.1tn into public universities in the next five years. But ASUU need guarantees that this will happen

AKPORS THE MADMAN A pilot was transporting a bunch of madmen from Lagos to a psychiatric facility in Johannesburg, South Africa. The madmen were making noise. So, one of them (Akpos) entered the Pilot’s Cabin; MADMAN (Akpos): Teach me how to fly a plane! PILOT : I would, but under one condition. Akpos : What ? PILOT : If you can get your colleagues to keep quiet. (5 minutes later, the plane was very quiet! PILOT : Wow!! How did you get them to keep quiet ? Akpos: I opened the door and asked them to go and play outside!!

ASUU Strike 2013: Union Begins Call Off Discussions november 7, 2013 by vnti leave a comment The Academic Staff Union of Universities, ASUU is set to convene its National Executive Committee this weekend to discuss the offer made to the union by the Federal Government to develop public Universities, it was learnt on Wednesday, and announce its decision to call off or continue the ongoing strike action. ASUU President, Dr. Nasir Faggae after a meeting with President Goodluck Jonathan which ended in the early hours of Tuesday had told reporters that the union would take back an undisclosed message to the striking lecturers. The Federal Government had offered to inject N1.1tn into public Universities in the next five years. The Punch gathered that the union had concluded arrangement to hold the meeting to collate the views of members before a final decision would be taken on whether to accept or reject the offer. Usually, the decision to embark on or to call off strike is taken at the union’s NEC meeting. It was gathered that the meeting might hold any day between now and next week Friday. In the hierarchy of ASUU, the zonal coordinators after a meeting of the national officers are to brief the branch chairmen who would consequently call for congress in their respective Universities. But a source who spoke on condition of anonymity said a meeting with the zonal coordinators usually take place two days after a major meeting with the Federal Government because they have to come from the nine zones of the country. He said, “There is a national strike coordinating committee comprising the national principal officers and the zonal coordinators which is the highest decision-making body. In the country, we have nine zones. After the meeting, the zonal coordinators will brief the branch chairmen who will now call for a congress to brief all members.” Asked if the strike would be called off soon, the source replied, “It is not a decision that could be taken in a hurry. All members must be carried along. We have a mandate which is very clear – that is the implementation of the 2009 agreement. Anything other than that, they will have to relate to members. The zonal coordinators will collate the decision of the branches and forward them to the national officers.” A chairman of a local branch of ASUU in a University in the South-West confided in one of our correspondents that the date for the NEC meeting would be communicated to all the chapters on Thursday (today). Another source said, “Before we embarked on the strike, there was a referendum. The referendum did not emanate from the principal officers but from the branches. Members must be briefed before any final decision could be taken.” Meanwhile, strong indications emerged on Wednesday that ASUU may soon call off its four-month old strike as the Nigeria Labour Congress described the meeting between President Jonathan and the leadership of the union as the most meaningful since 2009. The Acting General Secretary of the NLC, Mr. Chris Uyot, in a telephone interview with one of our correspondents on Wednesday, urged ASUU to explain to its members the offer the Federal Government had made to the striking lecturers in order to arrive at the next line of action. According to him, since ASUU is an affiliate of the NLC, it is the responsibility of the union to decide on whether to call off the strike or not in accordance with standard labour procedure. He said, “We simply advise that they carry out meaningful consultation with their members and ensure that whatever was offered was explained in totality to members of ASUU. “I want to say that since the agreement of 2009 was signed, and of the various negotiations that have taken place, this was the most meaningful of the meetings. “All discussions were taken aside and the issues in the 2009 agreement were examined, discussed and analyzed in totality. “Let the ASUU explain in totality the offer that was made to its members. Even the NLC has to explain to the members of the National Executive Council of the Congress before taking decisions in such matters. I can only say that calling off the strike depends on ASUU,” he added. VNTI ASUU Share this on your wall for your friends using buttons below For a Free Gift Today!!!

Teacher: what is MTN's motto? Akpors: na "Every where you go" Teacher: ok! If "MTN" and "PHCN", merge together, what will be there motto? Akpors: hahahahahahaha, dat one de simple na. Teacher: just ansa. Akpors: ok if MTN and PHCN merge together, there motto will be.............."hold your canddle every where you go". Teaher: fOOL like you,....ok wats the full meaning of PHCN? Akpors: phcn means: power holding candle of nigeria. Teacher just faint.

ASUU discusses Jonathan’s offer Posted by: Augustine Ehikioya, Abuja in Featured, News 12 hours ago Teachers won’t call off strike until after consultations, says leader After 13 hours of negotiations with the Federal Government, the Academic Staff Union of Universities (ASUU) got yesterday another offer towards the resolution of the crisis that has crippled the campuses for over four months. But ASUU President Dr. Nasir Isa Fagge, did not disclose the new Federal Government’s offer, insisting that its members have the final say on the issue. Lecturers were holding meetings on the various campuses last night over the government’s offer. Speaking with State House correspondents after the meeting with President Goodluck Jonathan at the First Lady’s Conference Room in the Presidential Villa, Fagge said the meeting was working towards tackling the problem of university education. He said: “Well, we have had lengthy meeting with Mr. President, rubbing minds on how best to address the problem of university education in this country. “And we now have a message from Mr. President we are going to take to our members. And we are expecting that our members will respond appropriately to the message of Mr. President.” On whether the lecturers are going back to the classroom, he said: “That is up to our members.” Asked what the message was, he said: “I can’t tell you. Its not for you. It is for our members.” If impressed with the message, he said: “Don’t put words into my mouth. Our members will determine that.” Also speaking at the end of the meeting, Minister of Labour Emeka Wogu said: “We made progress; the President of ASUU told you that they are going back with a message from the Federal Government to their members. And the message is full of high expectations and hope.” On whether the strike will be called off, he said: “That is why the message is full of high expectations and hope. So, our prayers is that they come back with positive outcome. They might not even come back to meet us; they might take decisions there that will meet your expectations.” “Nigerians should be patient for ASUU to finish their meetings and come out with a message to Nigerians.” Asked whether the government made a fresh offer, Wogu said: “Well, the offers we made are the offers they are taking in line with the 2009 agreement. The issues that led to the strike are issues contained in the 2009 agreement and we did not go beyond the agreement.” Before the meeting started on Monday afternoon, President Jonathan had assured the lecturers that the strike would be resolved . Jonathan, who took charge of the Federal Government’s negotiations with the lecturers, while exchanging pleasantries with the ASUU team, led by Fagge, said: “My president, all the problems will be over today, all our children must go back to school.” Also greeting the NLC President, Comrade Abdulwahab Omar at the beginning of the meeting, President Jonathan said: “My president, with you around today, there will be no problem; our agreement is signed, sealed and delivered.” On the Federal Government team were Vice President Namadi Sambo; Wogu; Supervising Minister of Education Nyesom Wike; Secretary to the Government of the Federation, Sen. Anyim Pius Anyim; National Universities Commission (NCC) Executive Secretary Prof Julius Okogie and Minister of Finance and Coordinating Minister for the Economy Dr. Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala. Also in the government team are the Chief of Staff, Chief Mike Oghiadhome and the Permanent Secretary in the Federal Ministry of Education, Dr. Mac John Nwaobiala. For ASUU were its Vice President, Prof Biodun Ogunyemi, three past presidents of ASUU, Profs. Festus Iyayi, Dipo Fashina and Abdullahi Sule-Kano. Others included Prof. Suleiman Abdul; Dr. Victor Igbum and Prof. Victor Osodeke. The ASUU team also had Omah and Trade Union President Bobboi Kaigama. The Presidency, on September 19, took over negotiations with the striking lecturers with Sambo heading the government’s side.

federal government and asuu>>>>na wa oooo

BREAKING NEWS: ASUU takes Jonathan's message to members •After 13 hours meetingThe over 13 hours meeting held by President Goodluck Jonathan with executive members of the Academic Staff Union of Universities (ASUU) ended at 3.35am on Tuesday morning. The ASUU executives told reporters who had kept vigil at the State House that they would take the president's message back to their members. Though they came out smiling, the president, Dr. Nasir Fagge, did not say what the message was when he spoke with the correspondents. The Labour Minister, Emeka Wogu, who also spoke with the press, just said what was discussed did not go beyond the 2009 agreement.

7 TRUTHS OF LIFE... Truth #1 : nobody is real in this world except Mother... Truth #2 : a poor person has no friends... Truth #3 : people do not like good thoughts they like good looks... Truth #4 : people respect the money not the person... Truth #5 : the person you love the most, will hurt you the most... Truth #6 : you cannot whistle and cough at the same time... Truth #7 : you've tried Truth #6 just NOW... True or False?....

Latest reports reaching us at this time reveals that the meeting between the President, and striking Lecturers of the Academic Staff Union Of Universities, ASUU just ended this morning, at about 6:30am. The meeting which began at 2:30pm yesterday, with the senate President, David Mark, without conclusion, and ended up with the President taking up proceedings at 6pm, in his bid to end the 4 Months Impasse. Both Parties went for a 15 Minutes break at 8pm and continued with the meeting at 9pm. After the meeting today, Our reporters gathered that both parties were reluctant to speak, but one who spoke to #VNTI Under anonymity said, The Union want to meet with her members for decision to be taken. However, #VNTI gathered that the “ASUU President, Dr Nasir Fagge Mentioned, that, “The Meeting Was Fruitful”, though nothing more was said. We would keep you all updated, as we get more informations. VNTI ASUU Share this on your wall for your friends using buttons below For a Free Gift Today!!!

Mother: akpos I'm sorry I slept with someone that is not your dad 23 years ago. And that person is your real father. Akpos: Mum, what rubbish! How am I to deal with this?! You should be hanged. Mother: I am sorry he was my first love and I could not marry him... because we are of different religion. He is on the phone at the moment and wants to speak with his son for the first time ever. Akpos: No I am speaking to no one. Bob is the only father i know and so will that be. Mother: Please don't be so upset. Just talk to him. Akpos: Ok, I will give him a piece of my mind! Akpos: Helloee Caller: Morning Son, I am Bill Gates . I am your real father. Akpos: Dad! Dad!! Dad!!! Thank God! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh Thank God!!!!!! Love u so much Dad!!!!! I’ve been looking for you for so long. Hit like if you get it..

What is LOBATAN? LOBATAN is when your boyfriend wants u to meet his family & on getting there the elder brother is your EX. The sister is the lady you just fought with over a man. The mother is d nurse who begged you not to abort your 4th pregnancy but u did.... The father is the sugar daddy who just bought you BB Q10...GBAM LOBATAN. Iike if its well defined!

A man had a bad case of stammering. He went to many doctors over the years but none of them could help. Finally One doctor said to him "I believe I found the reason for your stammering". The man asked,"wha wha wha what is my pro pro problem?" DOCTOR: Your d**k is very, very large.The weight of your d**k is causing a strain on your lynx, and this results in your stammering. The only solution to this is to perform a d**k transplant.. The man was really tired of his stammering, so he agreed to the transplant. Several days later,the doctor called the man up and informed him that they've found a suitable donor with a smaller d**k. The transplant operation was done successfully and the man could speak without any stutter. At first, he's happy, but after a while he began to miss his large d**k, and how the girls used to love it. He finally went back to his doctor and said, "Doctor,I'm grateful for the opportunity you have given me to speak without a stammer, but I miss my old d**k. Please find the transplant donor and tell him that we've to exchange d**ks back!" The doctor shook his head and replied,"That's im im im im im imp impo impo impossible..."

Akpors' father accompanied him to his school end of the year award party. As they sat watching and amidst great shouts and loud ovations, the beneficiaries were called to the podium for their award presentation. The following conversation ensued: Announcer: Best student in sciences, the winner is Eazy. Father: (Applause and eyes Akpors scornfully) see correct children! Announcer: Best student in commercial studies, the winner is Kelveen. Father: (Hisses and eyes Akpors) see correct children. Announcer: Best student in Arts and the winner is Osas. Father: (fuming with anger) See correct children!!. And so, all the awards were presented without any going to Akpors. At the end of the event, they left and went to the car park but as his dad made to start the car, the engine refused to respond. He opened the bonnet and touched a few things but all to no avail. Then they resorted to pushing and just as they got to the exit of the school the rickety car parked up. Exhausted and profusely sweating, Akpors rested on the gate just as his mates were driving off with their parents in Hummer jeep, Sequia, Infinity, Escalade, Bentley, Lincoln Nav and other exotic cars. All of a sudden,Akpors burst into laughter. His puzzled father asked, 'what's so funny?' Akpors burst into tears and responded 'SEE CORRECT FATHERS!'.

Three Men, A Philosopher, A Mathematician And Akpos,Were Out Riding In The Car When It Crashed Into A Tree. Before Anyone Knows It, The Three Men Found Themselves Standing Before The Pearly Gates Of Heaven, Where St. Peter And The Devil Were Standing Nearby. “Gentlemen,” The Devil Started, “Due To The Fact That Heaven Is Now Overcrowded, Therefore St. Peter Has Agreed To Limit The Number Of People Entering Heaven. If AnyoneOf You Can Ask Me A Question Which I Don’t Know Or Cannot Answer, Then You’re Worthy Enough To GoTo Heaven; If Not, Then You’ll Come With Me To Hell.” The Philosopher Then Stepped Up, “OK, Give Me The Most comprehensive Report On Socrates’ Teachings.” With A Snap Of His Finger, A Stack Of Paper Appeared Next To The Devil. The Philosopher Read It And Concluded It Was Correct. “Then, Go To Hell!” With Another Snap Of His Finger, The Philosopher Disappeared. The Mathematician Then Asked, “Give Me The Most Complicated Formula You Can Ever Think Of!” With A Snap Of His Finger, Another Stack Of Paper Appeared Next To The Devil. The Mathematician Read It And Reluctantly AgreedIt Was Correct. “Then, Go To Hell!” With Another Snap Of His Finger, The Mathematician Disappeared, Too. Akpos Then Stepped Forward And Said, “Bring Me A Chair!” The Devil Brought Forward A Chair. “Drill 7 Holes On The Seat”, Said The Idiot. The Devil Did Just That. Akpos Then Sat On The Chair And Let Out A Very Loud Fart. Standing Up, He Asked, “Which HoleDid My Fart Come Out From?” The Devil Inspected The Seat And Said, “The Third H0le From The Right.” “Wrong,” Said Akpors, “It’s From My Assh0le.” ....Akpos Went To Heaven

ASUU Strike: Nigerian Varsities To Open Next Week, With Or Without ASUU? The latest news coming your way on ASUU strike is that the FG is set to open Nigerian Universities with or without ASUU, according to ScanNews Nigeria. President Goodluck Jonathan will on Monday, November 4, meet with the leadership of ASUU at the Presidential Villa. An official of the Vice President’s office who pleaded anonymity told Scan News that all hands are now on deck to ensure that the Universities resume next week. The President will at next Monday’s meeting present to the ASUU leadership the administration’s last concession for them to call off the prolonged strike. A source at the Presidential Villa noted that if ASUU fails to call off, the Federal Government will then resort to plan B, which will be to compulsorily open the Universities, using the instrumentality of the governing councils and the school managements. Already, most of the governing councils of the Universities have started meeting to work out modalities for the compulsory re-opening of the Universities should ASUU fail to honour the personal request of President Jonathan. It was gathered that security report available to the Presidency may have necessitated this line of action to salvage the Universities system from the direction it is facing at present. Click here to read all the other latest ASUU Strike News Updates…

Akpos who is dying in the hospital is surrounded by his two sons, daughter, his wife and nurse. Says to his eldest son: To you, Peter, I leave the Airport houses. To you, my dear daughter, I leave the apartment blocks in East Legon To you, Charlie, being my youngest son with a large future, I leave the City Center offices. And you, my dear wife, the three residential building towers at Tetteh Quarshie The nurse, impressed, tells his wife: Madam, your husband is very rich. He has so many properties! You all are so lucky!! And the wife retorts: Rich??? Lucky??? Our whole family works for the cleaning company. Those are his Job schedules for cleaning!

AKPOS JOKES!!! ASUU Executives Were Called For A Meeting In The UK... So They All Met At The Murtala Muhammed International Airport In Lagos. While They Were Seated And Relaxed In The Plane, They Were Informed That The Plane Was Built by a Group Of Students From Nigeria's Universities And The Plane Was On Its First Experimental Trip. They All Ran Out Of The Plane, Except One Person, When He Was Asked By The Other Staff, His Reason For Remaining, He Said "If It Is Made By Our Students, It Will Not Even Start."

One day at the end of class little Johnny's teacher has the class go home and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story, little Suzy raises her hand. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Suzy replies, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket." Next is little Lucy. "Well my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched." The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Lucy replies "Don't count your eggs before they're hatched." Last is little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war; his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed with only a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down he drank the case of beer. Unfortunately, he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but ran out of bullets, so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. The blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands". Teacher looks in shock at Johnny and asks if there is possibly any moral to his story. Johnny replies, "Don't fuck with uncle Ted when he's been drinking!"

Which of dis guys mumu pass? Lokili: "Hey Akpos! I just got my BlackBerry torch. I'll buy my pin next week" Akpos: "Hmmm? U try o! Me don dash ambali my own oh" Lokili: "Ah!:O why na?" Akpos: "Bcos BlackBerry don tire me, now na BB I dey use!" Lokili: "wow! U are rich oh! I envy u, Is ur BB Samsung or Nokia?" Akpos:" Noooooooo! How can I use those cheap BB! It's Microsoft na " Lokili: "Wow! Dat one must b very expensive oh! Shey BlackBerry can ping BB? Just give me your pin so dat i can Call u when I buy my own pin" Akpos: "Eyaaa, I'm sorry. I left my pin at home, u know its not safe walking around with your pin, E fit chook me!!! na who mumu pass?

AKPOS STORY!!! I was in the public toilets and had just sat down, a voice from the next cubicle said “Hi !, how are you ?” Embarrassed, I said, “I’m doing fine”. The voice said “So what are you up to ?”. I said, “Just doing the same as you, sitting here !”. From next door, “Can I come over?”. Annoyed, I said ” rather busy right now”. The voice said, “Listen, i will have to call you back, there’s an idiot next door answering all my questions".

A female teacher,was having a problem with Akpors in her class of 3rd grade. Akpors said 'M'am, I should b in 4th grade, i'm smarter than my sis & she's in the 4th grade'. The M'am {Teacher} had heard enough of his complains & took Akpors 2 the Principal's office. She explained everything 2 the Principal who decided 2 test Akpors with some questions that a 4th grade should know. Principal: What's 3 + 3? Akpors: 6 Principal: 6 + 6? Akpors: 12 & so on.. The Principal asked the boy many questions & Akpors got them right. The Principal then asked M'am 2 send Akpors 2 4th grade. M'am decided 2 ask some more questions & the Principal agreed. M'am: What does a cow have 4 of, that I've only 2 of? Akpors: Legs M'am: What's in ur pants that u have but I dont have? Akpors: Pockets M'am: What starts wit a C & ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious & contains thin whitish liquid? Akpors: Coconut M'am: What goes in hard & pink then comes out soft & sticky? The principal's eyes open really wide,but b4 he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge. Akpors: Bubble Gum M'am: U stick ur poles inside me. U tie me down 2 get me up, I get wet b4 u do. What am I? Akpors: Tent The principal was looking restless M'am: A finger goes in me. U fiddle with me when u're bored. The best man always has me 1st n what am I? Akpors: Wedding Ring M'am: I come in many sizes. When Ï'm not well, I drip. When u blow me,u feel good? Akpors: Nose M'am: I've a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates,I come with a quiver Akpors:Arrow M'am: What starts wit 'F' & ends with a 'K' & if u dont get it, u've 2 use ur hand? Akpors:Fork M'am: Whats it that all men have,it's longer in some men than others,the Pope doesn't use his & a man gives it 2 his wife after marriage? Akpors: Surname M'am: What part of the man has no bone, but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpin & is responsible 4 making love? Akpors: Heart The principal breathed a sigh of relief & told the teacher:- 'Send Akpors 2 University, I got the last 10 questions wrong myself!

Teacher: "Kids tell me what your parents do for a living" . Ochuko: "My mom is a teacher and my dad is a mechanic". . Teacher:"Good" . Jennifer:"my mom is unemployed and my dad is a teacher" . Teacher:"good" . Akpos:"my mom is a prostitute and i don't know my dad" . Teacher:"Get out of my class and go to principal's office, and tell him what you just told me" . 10 minutes later Akpos returns smiling and eating an apple . Teacher:"Why are you smiling? Did you tell the principal what you told me?" . Akpos:"Yes I did" . Teacher:"What did he say?" . Akpos:"He just gave me an apple and asked me to give him my mom's phone number and address". One word for the Principal.

SEE GOBE: Three men took their wives to d hospital for delivery, shortly the Nurse came out and asked, who is JOSEPH that works with three crown milk, the man stood up, congratulations your wife has delivered three bouncing babies. Shortly, d Nurse came out again and asked, who is JOHN that works with 7up, the man stood up, congrats your wife has delivered 7 bouncing babies. Immediately,the third man took off and ran away because he works at 33 larger beer.. WETIN DEY PURSUE AM? Hit the like button and Comment..

Once upon a time there was an island where all the feelings lived; Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all the others......, including Love. One day it was announced to all of the feelings that the island was going to sink to the bottom of the ocean. So all the feelings prepared their boats to leave. Love was the only one that stayed. She wanted to preserve the island until the last possible moment. When the island was almost totally under, Love decided it was time to leave. She began looking for someone to ask for help. Just then Richness was passing by in a grand boat. Love asked, "Richness, Can I come with you on your boat?" Richness answered, "I'm sorry, but there is a lot of silver and gold on my boat and there would be no room for you." Then Love decided to ask Vanity for help who was passing in a beautiful vessel. Love cried out, "Vanity, help me please." I can't help you", Vanity said, "You are all wet and will damage my beautiful boat." Next, Love saw Sadness passing by. Love said, "Sadness, please let me go with you." Sadness answered, "Love, I'm sorry, but, I just need to be alone now." Then, Love saw Happiness. Love cried out, "Happiness, please take me with you." But Happiness was so overjoyed that he didn't hear Love calling to him. Love began to cry. Then, she heard a voice say, "Come Love, I will take you with me." It was an elder. Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that she forgot to ask the elder his name. When they arrived on land the elder went on his way. Love realized how much she owed the elder. Love then found Knowledge and asked, "Who was it that helped me?" "It was Time", Knowledge answered. "But why did Time help me when no one else would?", Love asked. Knowledge smiled and with deep wisdom and sincerity, answered, "Because only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is."

I was coming home saturday evening after a hectic day and found a small bag on the ground. I opened it and behold what I found inside; $20,000 dollars!! Fear first catch me, but I took the bag home and when ...I emptied It, I found some Documents, ID card, ATM card and an Iphone. I thought about throwing the sim away and keep the phone and also dispose the documents and keep the money. After a long thought, I decided to leave things as they were, hoping that the owner would call. Not long after a call came through on the Iphone, I picked and talked with the caller. Apparently it was the owner of the bag coz he named absolutely every content of the bag. We met afterwards and i handed him the bag. he offered me $2,000 dollars but I turned it down , he collected my number and i left. Yesterday he called me and offered me a job at Chevron worth 750,000 Naira per month, a 3 bedroom flat fully furnished, and a 2012 BMW X6 As I was smiling and testing the car my brother just slapped me and said "Oya Oya Oya Wake up eba don ready.

Akpos Story! You won't believe what happened to me yesterday night. I was coming back from somewhere around 9pm when i saw this beautiful damsel approaching me. She has the the beatiful face of Beyonce, The sumptious lips of Angelina Jolie, The backside like that of Kim Kardashian, The curves were like that of Mercy Johnson, She got the height like that of Angela Okorie, Her eyes were as beautiful as that of Ini Edo, She got the forehead of Rihanna, With bumper front package like that of Cossy Orjiakor. She was looking innocent like Gennevieve Nnaji. I knew i had to talk to her, it will be the greatest mistake if i allow her pass without talking. So i said "Hi" She didn't replied but she smiled.. So i continued "My name is Ocha, i will love to talk to you but am in a hurry right now, pls can i get your contact so that i can call you for us to meet?" She smiled again and said "Ok, ZERO HATE ZERO, TIRI TIRI HATE, SEFUN TWO TIRI, NOI NOI.. NA MY HENTIHEN LINE BE DIS. YOU WANT MY SAIN LINE?" I fainted!!

akpor's mind is not in the class where a teacher is teaching them,the teacher observed this and resorted to checking him with some questions,here are the excerpts of their discussion.Teacher:akpor,who is nig.'s pres.?akpor:i don't know ma.Teacher:akpor,u need to focus more on your studies.Akpor:may i ask some questions ma?teacher:yes,go ahead.akpor:who is dolapo?teacher:i don't know.akpor:ok then,who is angela,joy and halima?teacher:i don't know also.akpor:ma,you need to focus more on your HUSBAND

Akpos got admitted into my village school, Atanatene Grammar School. The best school in my village. It was his first day in the school and an inspector of Education came visiting. The CRS teacher was in class telling us the story of DANIEL IN THE LION'S DEN when he sighted the principal and the inspector heading towards the class. The old and forgetful CRS teacher wrote GENESIS as the topic on the board without thinking. Class: Good mooooooorning sir, we are happy to see you sir. Inspector: Good morning class, i can see your teacher is telling you what happened in the book of genesis?. Class: Yeeeeeeeees sir!. Inspector (pointing to Akpos): Ok, you there, who killed Abel?. Akpos: Sir i don't know, i have been in the class since 8am, ask my friend Ofego, i didn't kill Abel sir. Inspector (angry): I said who killed Abel? Akpos: I am a christian, i don't kill. I don't even know this Abel you are talking about, is he in our class?. Inspector (Turning to the Teacher): Ok Teacher can you tell the class who killed Abel? Teacher (Knees down and open his hands wide): My son, How can you expect me to kill, what example will i be showing to my students if i kill a person?. Inspector (disappointed and turns to the principal): Ok class the principal will help to tell us who killed Abel. Mr principal, who killed Abel?. Principal: When you came to my office, didn't you see me there?. Inspector: Yes, i did!. Principal: Did you see blood stains in my hands?. Inspector: No!. Principal: How could i have killed Abel? Where is the proof that i did?. The whole class clapped for the principal.

Akpos' phone rings... Lady{on phone}: hi sir, i want to meet and talk to you. You are the father of one of my kids. Akpos stuned; OMG! Are you Jennifer? No Are you Anne? No Are you Josephine? No Are you Chichi? No Are you Chinyere? No Are you Omowunmi? No Are you Folashade? No Are you Hauwa? No Are you Mariam? No {after few seconds of silence} Are you Gabriella? Confused lady replied: No sir,i am the class teacher of your son One word for Akpos ??

Maiduguri: Nigerian troops killed 74 members of Boko Haram in an air and ground assault, the military said on Friday, a further sign of stepped up operations against the Islamist sect. The offensive on Thursday targeted Boko Haram camps in the remote villages of Galangi and Lawanti in northeast Borno state where the militants have their strongest presence. "The operation, which involved ground and aerial assault supported by the Nigerian Air Force led to the destruction of the identified terrorist camps, killing 74 terrorists while others fled with serious injuries," Lieutenant Colonel Mohammed Dole said in a statement. The army said it had killed 37 Islamists in a similar strike last week in another remote area of Borno. Nigerian forces have intensified attacks against Boko Haram since May, when President Goodluck Jonathan declared a state of emergency in three states in the northeast. Boko Haram is fighting to establish an Islamic state in religiously mixed Nigeria. While the offensive against it appears to have scattered the movement, it has also seen reprisal attacks against civilians suspected of cooperating with the authorities. Thousands have been killed since the sect launched its uprising against the state in 2009, turning itself from a clerical movement opposed to Western culture into an armed militia with links to al Qaeda's West African wing. The group is seen as the biggest security threat to Africa's top oil producer. Although their activities are located hundreds of miles away from its southern oil fields, they have bombed the capital Abuja at least three times, including a deadly attack on the United Nations' Nigeria headquarters in 2011.

Agagu plane crash; surviving technician gone: Associated Airlines’ aircraft technician who was among the five survivors of the October 3 crash that left 15 people dead in Lagos has passed on. He died at the Gbagada General Hospital, Lagos, where he had been receiving treatment. The development brought to 16 the number of dead victims of the ill-fated plane which crashed while conveying the remains of former governor of Ondo State, Olusegun Agagu, from Lagos to Akure. Sources at the hospital said the technician, Mr. Samson Fatoye, died at about 7pm on Wednesday. Fatoye, who suffered severe burns from the crash, had been treated in many hospitals before he was finally taken to the Gbagada hospital. The sources said Fatoye died few hours after immigration officials from Abuja arrived in the hospital with electronic data capturing machine to prepare passport for the survivors to travel overseas for further treatment. Our correspondent however learnt that the remaining four survivors, including the two cabin crew members, were captured, using the machine. The remaining survivors, it was learnt, might be flown to overseas any time soon. However, there were allegations that the survivors had been neglected by both the government and the management of the airline. There had been reports that one of the surviving flight attendants, Mrs. Quinneth Owolabi, whose 10 toes and five fingers were amputated days ago, had been in severe pains before and after the surgery. The National Cabin Crew Association had reportedly appealed to the Federal Government to fly her abroad for treatment to avoid the amputation. Serving and retired cabin crew executives had expressed anger over government’s refusal to come to the aid of the victim despite the appeal made by NACCA and the family. Spokesperson for the group, Mrs. Blessing Efe, had reportedly said that Owolabi would have been saved the trauma of amputation had government heeded her cries. Efe said, “It is unfortunate that no help came when Quinneth needed it most. Her toes and fingers were amputated three days ago (four days today). Imagine the trauma she is going through at the moment. “We want government to always support people who survive air crashes because the accident is not their making. “We are trying now to sensitise the public and government on the need to assist those who survive air crashes. It is not easy to survive air an accident.” The second surviving cabin crew member, Miss Toyin Samson, was said to be in a stable condition at the Lagos State University Teaching Hospital, Ikeja, where she has been on admission. credit: punch Say goodbye, if you have a heart

Akpos Joke: Obituary October 16, 2013 | By Akpos | Add a Comment Akpos and his son Akpos Jnr were listening to a radio broadcast. After some time, Akpos Jnr looked at his dad and said: Papa; these people are making a very big mistake. “Son what is the matter,” his father asked. Akpos Jnr replied saying,”When Mr Obi died, they announced ‘OBITU ARY’ and now Mr Okoro is dead, they are still announcing OBITUARY again instead of OKOROTUARY”

ins: I visited my Chinese friend dying in hospital. My chinese friend just kept saying "CHIN YU YAN" and he died: I had to go to ask an interpreter to find out the meaning of my friend's last words after his burial and i found out that it means "U RE STANDING ON THE OXYGEN TUBE" Please tell me who killed him?

Teacher; what is a verb? Akpos; a verb is a valve in a bicycle tyre Teacher; what are u saying? Akpos; its a complete sentence sir. Teacher; are u mad? Akpos; its a question sir . Teacher; dont be stupid Akpos; its an advice sir . Teacher; stop that nonsence! Akpos; its a command sir Teacher; U are an idiot Akpos; its an insult sir Teacher; get out of my class! Akpos; its an order sir Teacher; oh goodness!,,, what a boy!,,, Akpos; its an exclamation sir Teacher; may God have mercy on U Akpos; its a prayer sir …. (*the teacher fainted!!*)

A boat has sunk on the River Niger in central Nigeria, leaving at least 42 people dead, officials say. Rescue teams are searching for a further 100 people reported missing. Officials say the boat, which capsized on Friday evening, may have been overloaded, carrying twice the number of passengers allowed. Mohammed Shaba, head of the Niger State Emergency Management Agency, told AFP that the boat "split" in two after setting off from Malilli village. 'Lesson' Mr Shaba told the agency that it was the worst accident to hit the state in recent years. "We are going to learn a lesson from this," he said. He claimed that the boat was carrying too many traders and their goods after leaving a market in Malilli. The state official told the agency that high waters on the river could also have contributed to the accident. Share this story

Militants from the Nigerian terrorist group Boko Haram disguised themselves as soldiers and set up a checkpoint, at which they slit the throats of 19 people who stopped. Adamu Mallam knows that he is lucky to be alive. The Nigerian trader, travelling through the north east of the country, came across what looked to be an army checkpoint. But when he drew up and stopped his truck, he was ordered out and made to lie down – realising quickly that the men in military uniform were not soldiers, but members of the terrorist group Boko Haram. "They made me lie face down on the ground. I was next to be killed," said Mr Mallam. "I heard a man close to me screaming. They slaughtered him with a knife." RELATED ARTICLES Boko Haram terrorists were mistaken by students for soldiers Nigerian students killed in their sleep by Boko Haram gunmen Nigeria Islamists release video of French hostage Mr Mallam was saved when the militants received a phone call, and all sped off on their motorbikes – setting vehicles ablaze as they left. "I suspect they were alerted to a security presence so had to flee," another trader, with Mr Mallam, told Reuters. "That call saved our lives." The attack, on the road near the town of Logumani, 19 miles from the border with Cameroon, is but the latest in the long list of atrocities carried out by the Islamist militant group – whose name translates as "Western education is forbidden." Boko Haram, fighting to establish Sharia law in the north of Africa's most populous country, has stepped up the number and scale of attacks in the past two months, with hundreds of killings reported. President Goodluck Jonathan declared a state of emergency in the area in May, pouring in hundreds of extra troops. But the insurgents are far from defeated and they have begun using the new tactic of fake checkpoints to spread more fear. Suspected Boko Haram gunmen killed 159 people in two roadside attacks in northeast Nigeria last month, also involving fake checkpoints. Violence by the group is estimated to have cost more than 3,600 lives, including killings by the security forces. Mr Mallam's story of Sunday's attack was backed up by another passenger, who told AFP news agency his name was Buba. "We were asked to get out of our vehicles and lie face down by nine men dressed as soldiers who blocked the road around 5am," he said. "They shot dead five people and went about slaughtering 14 others before someone called them on the phone that soldiers were heading their way. "They abandoned the rest of us and sped into the bush on their motorcycles," added Buba, who was shot in the leg. He said the attack bore the hallmarks of Boko Haram. "We knew they were Boko Haram from their appearance. Soldiers don't wear beards but some of the gunmen were bearded," he said. "Everyone in this area knows Boko Haram is on the prowl, raiding villages and attacking vehicles. "It has become a common occurrence." MORE FROM THE TELEGRAPH Thousands of Britons claim dole in Germany Australia's most notorious killer makes final murder confession from deathbed College head 'hacked to death by pupils after he suspended them'

BREAKING NEWS!!! M JACKSON IS ALIVE M. Jackson has been spotted by cameras performing in one executive club in the city. M. Jackson is believed to have faked his death because he was having many cases against him including killing of children and he had many debts. Musoke Jackson a Kareoke singer in Kampala who was thought to have been killed last month with an iron bar is still alive. We will bring you more updates and his photos!!

Akpors just got admitted to the village school, AKPAROROROKO GRAMMAR SCHOOL d best school d d village and it was his first day in school an inspector was visiting. The CRK teacher was in class telling them the story of DANEIL IN THE LION'S DEN when the sighted the principal and the inspector heading towards the class. The Old and forgetful CRK teacher wrote GENESIS as the topic on the board without thinking. Class: Good mooooooorning sir, we are happy to see u sir Inspector: good morning class, i can see your teacher is telling you what happened in the book of genesis? Class: yeeeeeeeees sir Inspector(pointing to Akpors): ok, you there, who killed Abel? Akpors: Sir i don't know, i have been in the class since 8am ask my friend Amos, i didn't killed Abel sir. Inspector(angry): i said who killed Abel? Akpors: I am a christian, i can't kill. i don't even know this Abel you are talking of, is he in our class? Inspector(turning to the teacher): ok teacher can you tell the class who killed Abel? Teacher(knees down and open his hands wide): My son, How did you expect me to kill, what example will i be laying to my students if i kill a person? Inspector(dissappointed turns to the principal): ok class the principal will help to tell us who killed Abel. Mr principal, who killed Abel? Principal: when u came to my office, did'nt you see me there? Inspector: I did Principal: Did u see blood stains in my hands? Inspector: No Principal: How could i have killed Abel? where is the proof that i did? And the whole class clapped for the principal, d inspector fainted.

Student Attempts Suicide Over ASUU Strike .. The ongoing strike of the Academic Staff Union of Universities, ASUU took a different turn on Saturday at the Dutse-Alhaji area of Abuja when a female student of the University of Abuja made to hang herself in protest of the nearly four months old strike. The female student identified as Jane Okoro had already hanged herself, but fell off the ceiling while struggling, apparently because the rope she used was not strong enough.

the aviation minister had compelled the Nigerian Civil Aviation Authority, NCAA, to purchase two BMW cars worth N255 million for her. Expectedly, the story went viral on the internet for days before the Ministry of Aviation confirmed to a national newspaper recently that the cars had been bought for the minister because her life is under real and imminent threat. The newspaper quoted Mr. Joe Obi, Special Assistant on Media to the Minister, as saying that the two armoured BMW cars were to protect his boss from "imminent threats." The Africa Network for Environment and Economic Justice (ANEEJ) condemns the Minister of Aviation for  the  profligacy and corrupt  use of public funds to purchase  two BMW armoured  cars. It presents the Minister as Janus, the Italian god of wine with double-faced, speaking with two mouths. The Minister of Aviation at the public hearing organised by the National Assembly over the controversial  grounding of the Rivers State Government Aircraft, had told the prying assemblymen that  she does not control  the operations of the Nigerian Civil Aviation Authority, NCAA, the same agency where she collected N255m to purchase two cars for her personal security without such amount being appropriated in the 2013 budget of the Ministry of Aviation for that purpose." ANEEJ Executive Director , Rev. David Ugolor has said. "We are shocked at the level of  provocative extravagance of  Mrs. Stella Oduah who described the two major air crashes that have occurred under her watchful eyes  recently as “inevitable acts of God.” We deplore a situation where energy and resources that ought to  have been used to secure Nigeria airspace, as being canvassed by all stakeholders is being unwittingly deployed for self service and preservation by the minister. "Nigerians are obviously worried over an emerging trend where serving Federal Government Ministers financially strangulate and unduly interfere in the smooth operations and  efficient running of agencies under their ministries. This scenario  is also playing out between the Nigeria National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC) and the Ministry of Petroleum resources without necessary checks by the presidency or the assembly men. It is detestable that government keeps shielding these officials as sacred cows while corruption flourishes under their nose. "Now that the wind has blown open and the rot in the aviation sector exposed, we call on the Presidency and the National Assembly  statutorily charged with oversight duties to swing into action and bring all those involved in the car scandal to justice." Ugolor demanded.. "We need to know what has become of the due process office in our country, if procurement of such an alarming level would have been authorised by an agent of government," adds Innocent Edemanrhia, ANEEJ policy Officer. "It is reprehensible that at a time university teachers are on strike for over a semester over poor funding of the Nigerian public universities, and the same government tells them that it has no money, is where one minister will spend a whooping N255m in the purchase of only two cars! It is shameful that this is happening   in a  country where unemployment and poverty is plaguing over 60 per cent of its population?"  Edemanrhia asserts. While calling for the immediate resignation or sacking of the aviation minister, ANEEJ  Policy Officer also called for a thorough probe of the sleaze in the aviation sector with a view to bringing all those involved to book.

ASUU strike has increased prostitution, group alleges on october 19, 2013 at 8:09 am in news COALITION of Civil Society Organizations, Market women and students have staged a protest with placards of different inscriptions at the Federal Capital Territory, FCT, Abuja, over the continuous strike  by the Academic Staff Union of Universities, ASUU, alleging that the strike has increased prostitution in the country. The group which noted that the strike was entering the fourth month appealed to the Nigerian Labour Congress, NLC, the Trade Union Congress, TUC and appealed to the union to call off the strike in the interest of  Nigerians. Some of the placards read, “ASUU please save our young girls from prostitution, NLC, TUC and NUPENG mediate now, Stop playing politics with our future, This ASUU strike has lost its tactics, ASUU please save our future.” Though, the group   in some of the placards had accused the striking university teachers of being selfish and too rigid in their demands, in what looked like a contradiction, the groups also said that the demands were germane and for the good of the education system. Delivering a letter to the NLC President at the Labour House, the leader of the protest and Executive Director of Conscience Nigeria, Comrade Tosin Adeyanju said that they decided to embark on the protest to appeal to the labour leaders to mediate on the lingering face-off between ASUU and the Federal Government that had led to the continuous closure of public universities in the country. Comrade Adeyanjul said, “We embarked on this protest today to further appeal to all major stakeholders in the Nigeria project and we deem it fit to come to the labour house because of the strategic importance that labour represents in this country. “For almost 100 days, our students, our dependants, our children have been locked out of our ivory towers and nothing has changed. We are here to appeal to the  labour leaders in this country to come and mediate on the lingering and prolonged ASUU strikes. “We are not unaware on the germane and relevant issues raised by ASUU, there is need for our institutions to be revitalized, there is need for improved research, there is need for improved allowance, there is need for infrastructural development in ivory towers, but all over the world no country has been able to meet the demands of labour unions 100 per cent.” “With the information available to us, we are aware that the federal government proposed and has given ASUU a 100 billion initial fund requested for different issues in the various universities. We are aware that ASUU appealed for more money to be given on the earned allowance and 30 billion was given for earned allowance as at today about 130 billion has been given to ASUU.” Receiving the protesters, President of NLC, Abduwaheed Omar, represented by the Chief Economist of NLC, Dr. Peter Ozo’eson said that the labour leaders had initiated moves by writing to the Federal government about four times on how to mediate but government had not responded to their letters.

Different Technologies & Their Founders....... 1. Google: Larry Page & Sergey Brin 2. Facebook: Mark Zuckerberg 3. Yahoo: David Filo & Jerry Yang 4. Twitter: Jack Dorsey & Dick Costolo 5. Internet: Tim Berners Lee 6. Linkdin: Reid Hoffman, Allen Blue & Koonstantin Guericke 7. Email: Shiva Ayyadurai 8. Gtalk: Richard Wah kan 9. Whats up: Laurel Kirtz 10. Hotmail: Sabeer Bhatia 11. Orkut: Buyukkokten 12. Wikipedia: Jimmy Wales 13. You tube: Steve Chen, Chad Hurley & Jawed Karim 14. Rediffmail: Ajit Balakrishnan 15. Nimbuzz: Martin Smink & Evert Jaap Lugt 16. Myspace: Chris Dewolfe & Tom Anderson 17. Ibibo: Ashish Kashyap 18. OLX: Alec Oxenford & Fabrice Grinda 19. Skype: Niklas Zennstrom,JanusFriis & Reid Hoffman 20. Opera: Jon Stephenson von Tetzchner & Geir lvarsoy 21. Mozilla Firefox: Dave Hyatt & Blake Ross 22. Blogger: Evan Willams

Akpos ask his wife, Akpos: who is the biological father to Junior and Daniel?. Akpos wife: what sort of stupid question is that?...you are thier father.. Akpos: you better take those two kids to thier father.. Akpos wife: honey,why do you say that they are not your kids?.. Akpos: because every night when they are about to pray before sleeping they will say: `OUR FATHER,WHO ART IN HEAVEN' Describe Akpors in 1 word

Akpos picked up a blackberry Z10 in a taxi. He checked through the contacts and found "MY number 2" then he called it and luckily the owner answered "Wow! Thank God! Where did you pick the phone" Akpos quickly interrupted "not so fast lady, please give me your address." "You want to bring the phone? Wow that's so nice of you. If only this country was full of good people like you..." Akpos interrupted "What nonsense are you saying? I want to come and collect the charger!" if it wia d owner wat wil u do wen u c akpos

Akpos wanted to use his ATM card but the machine kept on rejecting the card. A frustrated Akpos called his bank help line. Akpos : (angrily) So what's wrong with my ATM card. Call girl : Sir, I have checked your account, everything is alright here and You should be able to use your card, are you sure your card is not damaged or broken? Akpos : Are you insane? What are You insinuating? No one takes good care of their ATM card like I do. Call girl : Okay Sir, are you also sure the surface isn't wet or stained with dirt? Akpos : You dey mad? ATM card when I dey pet like egg. As a matter of fact, I even laminated it last week when I laminated my Identity card. Call girl : Did you just said LAMINATE? Akpos : Of course Yes!!! Admin: if u are d call girl what will you tell akpos?

I know at least 8 Things about you 1. You can't wash your eyes with soap. 2. You can't count your hair. 3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out. 4. You just tried no.3 6. When you did no.3, you realized that it's possible. Only that you look like a dog. 7. You are smiling right now because you were fooled. 8.You skipped no.5 9. You just checked to see if there is a no.5 Hahahaaa.. got u!!

AKPOS LAUGH TIME!!! A Nigerian mother was lucky enough to see her 3 daughters get married the same year, so she called them after the wedding and told them "Dont forget to text me your first night experience and text it in code" So....... after a week, the 1st daughter texted "NESCAFE" and the next week the 2nd daughter text "BENSON" the mother being an intelligent woman went to get a Nescafe tin and read the label "fantastic till the last drop" went to her husband's pack of Benson cigarette and read "Extra long, king size" she smiled and said "not bad for their ages". After the next week, the 3rd daughter texted "NAIROBI-MOMBASA", the mother then called Kenya airways helpdesk to enquire about their Nairobi-Mombasa flight and they replied "it's 3times daily, 7days a week, and the flight duration is 75mins". The mother fell down and shouted. "igweeeeeeeee!!! This one will kill my daughter yoooooooh..

Akpos enters a barber shop. The barber whispers to his customer: BARBER: This is the dumbest boy in the world. Watch while I prove it to you. The barber puts a N50 note in one hand and two N10 notes in the other, then calls the boy and asks: BARBER: Which do you want, boy? Akpos takes the two N10 notes and leaves. BARBER: What did I tell you? Akpos never learns! Minutes later, when the customer left, he sees Akpos coming out of the ice cream store. CUSTOMER: Akpos, May I ask you a question? Why did you take the N10 notes instead of the N50 note? Akpos replied, "Because the day I take the fifty naira note, the game is over!"

LAUGH OUT Papa Akpos: My pikin say you drive am commot for school, Wetin he do? Akpos'Teacher :- Your son is not brilliant at all, he cant even spell "LION" ... Papa Akpos : Ah Ah...You know say na SMALL pikin......You for tell am make he spell SMALL ANIMALS like " MOSQUITO or COCKROACH". ================ Any word for Papa Akpos?

HOW TO KNOW IF WITCHES &WIZARD DEY FOLLOW YOU FROM YOUR VILLAGE; IF: • after entering a bus, it gets to your turn to pay your fare and you can’t find your money • If you downloading 5GB of data and it Fails at 99% • If you buy a bold 6 for 90k today and the next day the price drops to 20k • You win 100millon, u put am 4 bank, next week d bank declare bankrupt • your first day in a restaurant, after eating fish, the bone hang for your throat • If after working for 30 days, you got fired without salary • After selling your fathers property to go abroad, and you still got deported few weeks later • if you take cheat into the exam hall, and cant understand your own handwriting • If after 6 abortions and d guy still ends up not marrying you • if you submit expo with your answer sheet • when ur friend wey just come back from America give u cheque & did not remember to sign Before going back.

Joba: Akpos, why are you always on Facebook? Akpos: I like Facebook & I'm always there for one thing. It's the only place where you can like another man's wife without getting slapped. Joba: So, what about Twitter, why are you always there too? Akpos: Twitter is the only place you can follow another man's wife for free!

The Senior Staff Association of Nigerian Universities (SSANU) has announced the suspension of its week-long strike. The suspension of the strike is contained in a statement issued in Abuja on Friday and signed by the association’s National Secretary, Mr Promise Adewusi. It said that the decision to suspend the strike was informed by the Federal Government’s compliance with the association’s demands. “Following substantial compliance to our demand for the payment of August and September salaries of our members which is the reason for our current national strike action, we hereby suspend the strike and direct all our members to return to their duties with effect from Monday, the 14th of October, 2013.” The statement thanked members of the association for their solidarity, adding that the non payment of the salaries of its members for work done would not happen again. (NAN) VNTI SSANU

A terrorist entered a church one Sunday and told the congregation that he is going to kill them one by one alphabetically until all his bullets is used up. He then approached the pastor and asked of his name. "My name is ZEMMANUEL" said the pastor, the catechist said "mine is ZION Z. ZEZEKIEL and that of the treasureR is ABRAHAM AGNES". The treasureRT then shouted "he is lying, my name is ZABRAHAM ZAGNES" What name would you have mentioned if you were in the church that day?

Akpos and oghene entered a chocolate shop where oghene stole 3 bars of chocolate n hid dem in his pocket. After dey left d shop,oghene show Akpos his loot and said,"i'm a gud thief." Akpos said "wel,let's go back 2 d shop n i wil show u d rite way 2 steal." Wen dey went back,Akpos asked d shop boi,"do u want 2 c a magic trick?",d shop boi replied,"yes,show me." So akpos asked for 3 bars of chocolate n ate dem all,after which d shop boi requsted,"where is d magic,where r my chocolate?" Akpos simply replied,"check my friend's pocket,u wil find dem"

A drunk 18 year old boy asked a married woman out. The woman got so pissed she went to tell her husband about the encounter. The husband told the woman to invite the boy over so that he could beat the hell out of him, he would hide under the bed as he waited for him. The woman did as her husband requested. When the boy got there he kissed the woman and took of his T-shirt and his body was full of scars. So the woman asked, "Why so many scars?" The boy replied,"I always lay with married women and usually when I get caught I kill the husband, if someone shows up now he will be number 20 on my murder list!" The boy continued kissing the woman and undressing her. The woman tried to reach out for her husband under the bed and a small voice came out,"If you tell him am here, I'll kill you before he kills me! Just co-operate!"

In the last few weeks, NigeriaOnPoint.Com observed that the internet was awash with the story of a big boy who is said to be very successful and has one of the biggest this, and the most expensive that. His is name is Okwudili "Dilly" and sources say he moves around with a POLICE escort. But information the guy is not clean has surfaced. He is a confirmed 'Yahoo Yahoo thief' who confessed to all his criminal actions in court and was sentenced to prison in the US. Below is the story of Okwudili: An American federal jury has convicted a Nigerian man, Oluyomi Oshinaike of two counts of bank fraud for a scam authorities say involved more than a million dollars in altered corporate checks. Senior U.S. District Judge Charles Butler Jr. scheduled Oshinaike’s sentencing for Feb. 15. Under advisory sentencing guidelines, he faces a prison term of at least 2½ years and as much as 3 years and a month. Okwudili “Cowboy” "Dilly" Umenyiora, who has already pleaded guilty to the bank fraud, also testified that he convinced Oluyomi Oshinaike to recruit people who were willing to allow checks to be deposited into their bank accounts. “His job was to go out and find the accounts,” he testified. Okwudili testified the account holders would be told a cover story similar to solicitations many people get via e-mail. The tale would be that a person in Nigeria needed help getting money into the United States. Assistant US Attorney E.T. Rolison said in his closing argument that it is a classic Nigeria scam. "The reason you call it that is because they say, ‘My father is in Nigeria.’ They come up with that story,” he said. Okwudili confessed that he would pay a postal worker at a mail-sorting center in Atlanta $500 for corporate bank checks, each. He said he did not know the man’s name, but a man by the name of Andrew Bryant Gunn has pleaded guilty in federal court in Atlanta in connection with the plot and will be sentenced next month. Okwudili told jurors he would take the checks to a man named Guy Taylor, who would change the payee line. He would then give the checks to partners who would in turn deposit them into bank accounts. He said the bank account holder would be allowed to keep 15 percent of the value of the. Taylor would get 10 percent and the postal worker was paid 10 percent to 15 percent, Okwudili testified. Mobile resident Rosa Gullett testified that she agreed to allow Oshinaike, whom she knew as “Abdul,” to use her account. She said she met Oshinaike through her sister, who was dating him at the time. Her mother, Kim Williams, testified that she allowed him to use her account, too. That’s not Okwudili's first brush with the long arm of the law, it seems he’s been a career criminal for over a decade as his mugshot from 2001 attests. In light of this, it was with great amazement (and amusement) that people read the "sweet" story about him on the social media and Nigerians were praising him (the original story has now been deleted, but GOOGLE is your friend). Not only was he praised for being a ‘Super Model’ in his looks, given major props for his ‘swag’, but it seems he also drove up in a Lamborghini, escorted by MOPOL.

We just receieved answer form our great fan.u can NW get ur London use ram At ikeja computer village.d one wey dey okay.

Akpors who was a houseboy usually sneaks into his Oga's room, drinks his wine and adds water to top it up. One day his Oga bought a new wine called pasties, it was a french wine that changes colour if water is added onto it. Akpors unaware of this, sneaks into his Oga's room, drank the new wine and added water on it. Immediately it started changing colour. ... Akpors: I am in trouble, big trouble. He ran to the kitchen. Meanwhile, oga and madam were sitted in the parlour, while Akpors was in the kitchen. ... OGA: Akpors Akpors: Oga OGA: who drank my pasties?. No answer! OGA: Akpors, who drank my pasties?. No answer. Oga walked to the kitchen and saw Akpors there. OGA: Are you insane or what?. Why when i call, you say "Oga" but when i ask you a question you don't answer me. Akpors: Oga when you are in the kitchen you don't understand anything except your name. OGA: Is that so?. Okay go to the parlour, stand beside madam and ask me a questionwhile i stand here. Akpors went and did what oga said. Akpors: Ogaaaaaa OGA: Yes Akpors Akpors: Who goes into the maid's bedroom when madam is not at home?. No answer. Akpors: Ogaaaaaa!!! You dey hear me, i say who dey sneak enter the house girl room when madam no dey house. No answer. Oga runs out of the kitchen. OGA: Wonders shall never end. Akpors, it is true o, when one is in the kitchen, one does not hear anything, except one's name. MADAM: That's not true. It's a lie. Akpors: Madam, do you want to be tested?. MADAM: Yes Akpors: Oya enter the kitchen She enters. Akpors: Madam MADAM: Yes Akpors Akpors: Who is Junior's biological Father?. Me or Oga Madam rushed out of the kitchen MADAM: This kitchen needs to be fumigated o, i can't understand anything at all.

Akpors was sitting at a bar, and thinking about his life, when all of a sudden, Ironman, the town's most notorious thug smacks Akpors in the face and says "Thats KUNG FU, made in Japan". A while later, Ironman the thug smacks Akpors again and says "That's KARATE, made in Korea", then sat at the bar and started drinking. Akpors got up and leaves the bar. A short time later he comes back and smacks Ironman the thug, knocking him out cold and he said to the barman "When that IMBECILE wakes up, tell him that was a SHOVEL made in ABA....

Manager:- what is your name? Akpors:- M.P sir Manager:- tell me properly! Akpors:- Michael Peter sir Manager:- your father's name? Akpors:- M.P sir Manager:- what does that mean? Akpors:- Moses Peter sir Manager:- your native place? Akpors: M.P sir Manager:- is it Makurdi Purum? Akpors:- No, Minna Port sir Manager:- what is your qualification? Akpors:- M.P sir Manager:- (angry) what is it?! Akpors:- Metric Pass Manager:- so why do you need a job? Akpors:- M.P sir Manager: meaning? Akpors:- Money Problem sir Manager:- what is your personality? Akpors:- M.P sir Manager:- would you explain yourself and stop wasting my time? Akpors:- Monacrotic Personality Manager:- I see... I will get back to you. Akpors:- sir, how's my M.P? Manager:- and what's that again? Akpors:- My Performance. Manager:- M.P ! Akpors:- m.e.a.n.i.n.g? Manager:- Mental Problem!! One word for Akpors

W-O-N-D-E-R-S!!! Do you Know that ONDO-STATE Incumbent Governors Always Bury Their Predecessors? Former Governor Onyearugbulem Buried Ajasin, Former Governor Adefarati Buried Onyearugbulem and Otiko Former Governor Agagu Buried Adefarati. Incubent Governor Mimiko Is Burying Agagu. Confusion and wonders of Ondo state Govt House.

An English teacher asks her students 2 name an animal that starts with the word "E". Akpors says Elephant. Teacher asks again an animal that starts with "T". Akpors says "Two elephants" He was chased out of the class for misbehaving. She asks again an animal that starts with the word "M". Akpors outside screams "Maybe an elephant"...... ... Its Friday Jokes TillDawn!!!

AKPORS ADHERES TO INSTRUCTION!! Akpors' elder brother, Rukewe, travelled to London months ago, leaving behind Akpors, their aged mom & their pet cat, kelly. Last week Rukewe called from London to know how they're doing. RUKEWE: Akpors how are u all doing, how's kelly(cat)? AKPORS: Kelly is dead. RUKEWE (after a pause): Akpors u shouldn't have told me dis bad news straightly, atleast u shouldn't have gone straight to d point. U would have just said dat d cat fall inside well but the neighbours are trying to rescue him. Den when I call again, u will say he broke his neck but d vet doctor are trying revive him. Then when i call again, u will say dey tried their best but dey couldn't save him. Thats how dey reveal bad news in a mature way. Do u hear me? AKPORS: Yes bros. RUKEWE: Ok. how is mother too? AKPORS: Bros. mum fell inside well o, but neighbours are trying to rescue her. (Phone cuts) Rukewe has been admitted in a private hospital in London after going into coma.

BEST OF AKPOS . . . A Lady Lawyer holds Akpos dick out as Evidence saying "ur Honor can tis tiny tin Rape"?..Akpors; *whispers* Don't shake it, we may lose d case. A Doctor was giving a Speech on Alcohol.. DOC: People, you know Alcohol kills slowly... Akpos: Who told you we are in a hurry? Teacher: Does anyone else ve a question about the 9 planets. Akpos: Yes, Where is urANUS... Question: Whats the biggest thing u can do for our Love?.. EKAETTE: I would die for u, wat about u?.. Akpors: I ll cry when you Die. Police: Sir, This is Non Smoking Zone... Akpors: Ah! am not smoking 'Zone', its 'Marijuana' that is how you people lie on someone. Teacher: What do you call a Pot of Watery Egusi Soup?.. Akpors: Watermelon Sule : Bros y u dey wrap ur phone wit black handkerchief? Akpors: Rukewe dey owe me money so I dey hide my number before I call am Teacher: Akpors finish this sentence.. 'Many are called but .........?.. Akpors: But only few have credit to call back. Akpors: 2,3,4,6,7,8,9.. TEACHER: Where is 5?. Akpors: Yesterday, I heard on the News tat 5 died in a Car Accident. Police: Ur wife had an accident, plz come & identify d body.. Akpors: I'm busy, take a pix & tag me on FACEBOOK, If it's her I ll click 'LIKE' Police: Where do u live?. Akpors: Wit my Parents. Police: Where do they live?. Akpors: Wit me. Police: So where do u all live?. Akpors: 2geda Teacher: Who are the IDIOTS talking oya stand up, Only Akpors Stood up.. Teacher: So u are the Idiot?.. Akpors: No Ma, I Just can't bear u Standing up alone. Papa Akpors: How did your Exam go?.. Akpors: They gave me questions that I don't know so I wrote answers which they won't know Teacher: If have 15 Sweets & I licked 12, what do I have left?.. Akpors : Diabetes Ma Akpors: Went to the hospital to complain Doc i play Football in my Dream every Nite.. Doc: Take tis Tablet, U ll be ok.. Akpors: Can I take it tomorrow, cos tonite is the Final Game Presenter: Mr Akpors, what advice do you have for your Fans in 2013.. Akpors : If Two Wrongs don't make a Right, try Three Teacher : Name the types of wood we have.. Akpors: Fire-wood, Nolly-wood, Bolly- wood and Holly- wood Madam; Hope Junior has Eaten?.. Akpors: Yes Ma, I even added small Dettol inside his drinking water to kill the germs... Cos "if I don't take care of him who will" Madam: Fainted... Teacher: Why do you always see lightning first and hear the thunder later?.. Akpos : Because your eyes are in front of your ears

ADURA HOUR (1) waa gbadura!! Wa pariwo tooooooooo!!, wa kigbe bi eni ti won fi kondo lu; Wa wipe !!**ASUU KINI MO SEEEE!!** fi aye ati eko mi sille--aduraaaaa!!! (2) wa fo soke bi eni ti asa (hawk) gbe visa e lo. lee meeje (7 times)!!, wa kigbe FAGGAE! Oya je ki ori e pe.........adura-- (3) waa pariwooo pankere ooooo!! ni igba meje !! Wa sope, oya wa na jonathan legba bi ole (thief)!!-----adura (4) haaaaaa asiko ti fe lootan (u better gbaadura ko ma ba gbadura)....wa kigbe OLORUN OOOOOOO!!!! Maje ki n fi arugbo ara se Convocation!!!!.....gbaladura----- MA FI ADURA YII SERE...... Jowo GBA pelu awe (fastng) ki o SEND re SI AWON ORE RE..... Oti dara Fun e Loruko Jesu.

I Can Walk Akpos was on his way to school when he alighted at station he was supposed to take taxi to the school AKPOS: How much is the fare to the campus? DRIVER: Two Cedis. AKPOS: What about my load? DRIVER: I will take no money for that. AKPOS: Then take my load to the school I can walk.

AKPOS: Your teeth are like the stars. EKAETTE: Awwwww, thanks are they that pretty? AKPOS: No, they are far away from each other!

Military Mess A man drove past a military road block and the officers asked him to pull over. The man started shouting at them "Do you know who I am? Ehn! Do you know..." One officer interrupted "hey, you see those blocks at the other side of the road? They are 200 you are going to bring them here". After they beating him, they made him carry the blocks. He had carried 191 blocks, when their Akpos, a superior officer passed by, noticing what was happening, he pulled over. The man recognized Akpos, his former class mate, he beckoned to him "Akpos, thank God, you're here." "What is the meaning of this!? Who asked you to carry this blocks?" Akpos screamed. The man pointed at the officers that made him do it. Akpos turned to them "You all are in serious trouble!" then he turned back to his former classmate "Sorry for the misunderstanding, how many blocks did they make you carry?" "191 blocks. Can you imagine?" the man said. "Ok, you know what, just return the blocks and you can be on your way"

Age Potion A couple received a letter from their daughter who went to study modern physics overseas, the letter read: "My beloved Parents, I miss you so much and it breaks my heart to think that by the time I get back you'll be too old. So enclosed you'll find a bottle of potion I have invented. It will make you young, so when I return you'll be the same age as I left you. NOTE: Please take only a drop" So they opened the envelope and in it there is a bottle with a red potion. the man looked at the wife and says: "You go first." (typical of men!) So the wife takes a drop thereafter, the husband follows. Indeed the wife turn five years younger. Years later the daughter returns home to find her mother young and pretty, carrying a baby on her back. The mother proceeds to tell her daughter how the potion worked and made her look young. The daughter was delighted and asks after her dad. MOTHER: Your father? Hmm, my child, your father was so jealous that I was so young and beautiful so he drank the whole bottle. DAUGHTER: What? So where is he? MOTHER: Hahaha, who do you think is the baby on my back?

Age Potion A couple received a letter from their daughter who went to study modern physics overseas, the letter read: "My beloved Parents, I miss you so much and it breaks my heart to think that by the time I get back you'll be too old. So enclosed you'll find a bottle of potion I have invented. It will make you young, so when I return you'll be the same age as I left you. NOTE: Please take only a drop" So they opened the envelope and in it there is a bottle with a red potion. the man looked at the wife and says: "You go first." (typical of men!) So the wife takes a drop thereafter, the husband follows. Indeed the wife turn five years younger. Years later the daughter returns home to find her mother young and pretty, carrying a baby on her back. The mother proceeds to tell her daughter how the potion worked and made her look young. The daughter was delighted and asks after her dad. MOTHER: Your father? Hmm, my child, your father was so jealous that I was so young and beautiful so he drank the whole bottle. DAUGHTER: What? So where is he? MOTHER: Hahaha, who do you think is the baby on my back?

Plastic Surgery AKPOS: What is the cost of the plastic surgery? DOCTOR: Its about N 900,000. AKPOS: What!? Doctor that's too expensive. Okay...err...what if I bring the plastic?

AKPOS: What is the cost of the plastic surgery? DOCTOR: Its about N 900,000. AKPOS: What!? Doctor that's too expensive. Okay...err...what if I bring the plastic?

Details surrounding the death of Prophet Ajanaku, the former pastor of Tope Alabi has been released. The founder and pastor in charge of the Christ Revival Church International located in Baruwa in Ayobo-Ipaja, Lagos, died in his sleep on Saturday August 17, 2013. It was gathered that the controversial prophet died in his sleep on Saturday after a nurse administered sedatives to calm down his nerves after his situation got worse. He reportedly didn’t wake up from his sleep.  His dead body was brought into his house in Lagos from his hometown (Gbogan) on Sunday evening. According to sources, the elegant preacher reportedly fell ill about 8 weeks ago and after all medical methods to get him well proved abortive, he was taken to his home town for traditional treatment. Throughout his downtime, his church members were told he’d travelled abroad to rest not knowing he had been taken to his hometown. This was the reason for his absence at the church’s anniversary on the 18th of July, 2013. During the church service yesterday, most of his church members didn’t believe he has died with many calling his death a hoax. Most of them argued that he could not have died, insisting that he travelled abroad to rest due to his hectic schedules. According to reliable sources, some of his church members were hostile to news men who visited the church to confirm this report.. Late Prophet Ajanaku’s corpse was taken to a local mortuary around 11am on Monday morning. A member of the congregation was seen directing another member to arrange for security personnel  to accompany the corpse to the mortuary. Church members who trooped to the home of the man they called ‘Daddy’, were directed to report at the church at Baruwa while the top leaders of the church were planning to take the corpse to the mortuary. Late Prophet Ajanaku became popular after his association with gospel singer Tope Alabi. The two split over sex allegations few weeks before his death. Tope Alabi  who is currently in Toronto, Ontario Canada was one of the earliest callers at the residence of the deceased on Sunday. In another development, a neigbhour to late Prophet Ajanaku said his followers believe he’ll come back to life. As a result, several prayer sessions have been held since he died. “He died since Saturday, but the church members have decided to keep sealed lips.Instead, they have engaged in marathon prayer sessions. They held a vigil on Saturday where they prayed fervently for him to resurrect, but nothing happened. “The church members were shouting: ‘Prophet Ajanaku, wake up’ throughout Saturday night,” Mrs. Rita Ade said. Unknown to the public, Late Prophet Ajanaku was arrested and detained few months ago by security officials after an embarrassing public fight with Tope Alabi. Weeks after his arrest, he reportedly fell ill and the rest is history. Late Prophet Ajanaku was a muslim man with a solid Islamic background. He converted to Christianity on arriving Lagos few years back. According to his profile, the late preacher tagged Bad boy for satan was denied access to basic education. He didn’t attend primary, secondary or university. “Illiteracy was a big title for him because of his chronic state. He understood and could communicate in Yoruba language only.” He later attended the Winners Church Bible school He is survived by a wife, aged mother and children (a boy and a girl). Source @Naij

Akpos is in the news again. This time, Akpos has enrolled for adult education. His reason, “I must learn this English language very well. I want to go to this London like Osuofia and Jenifa. I cannot carry last” . Akpos 6 Day 1 at School So on his first day at school, the first class was English Language. The teacher called on Akpos and asked him:- Teacher: Akpos, make a Sentence with “Big” Akpors: The Ram Is Big Teacher: Make it longer Akpos: The Ram is big ooooooo Teacher was like , “WHAAAAAT!!!!”. The Teacher recovered and continued with his questions: - Teacher: Behind every successful man there is a woman. What do we learn from this? Akpors: We should stop wasting time in studies and find that WOMAN Teacher: Get out of my Class, Akpos

Akpos bounced out of the class, not sure what to do. Somehow, he made his way to the library. Once inside, he spotted a very pretty girl reading quietly. He quickly approached her and started wooing her right in the library. Oh Akpos! After some minutes, the girl got angry and shouted, “Will you please leave me alone so that I can concentrate? Everybody turned and looked at Akpos. Akpos 1 So what did Akpos do? Akpos gazed her intently and replied in a loud voice: “I will not leave you alone until you accept Jesus as your Lord and personal Saviour!” Wow!!! Akpos will not kill somebody oooooo! Day 2 at School Immediately Akpos entered the class, the teacher stopped him at the door. Teacher: You can only enter my class if you answer the following questions. Akpos: Okay. Go on. Teacher: Akpos how was your night? Akpos: I don’t know ma, I was sleeping. Teacher: Why do we drink water? Akpos: Because we cannot eat water. Teacher: Akpos, what Is the name for a baby lizard? Akpos 3 Apkos: Lizzy baby. Teacher: The process of developing from a child to an Adult is called Akpos: ADULTERY. The Teacher exclaimed: What manner of Man are you, Akpos? You are very silly. Go and sit down now. As usual, Akpos bounced to his seat. The Teacher turned to the class and asked: - Teacher: who is a pharmacist? Only Akpos raised up his hand Teacher: So Akpos is the most intelligent student I have in this class? So there is no body else to answer the question except Akpos? (there was no reply from the students) Teacher: Ok, Akpos, use this cane and flog everyone ten strokes of cane each…. Akpos with a wide smile gave all the student ten hot strokes of the cane each…. Teacher: Okay, my dear Akpos tell these dumb student who a Pharmacist is… Akpos: A Pharmacist is a farmer who assist people. The Teacher fainted. Akpos 5 Exam Day Akpos and his best friend Kome sat in the exam room to write their final exams. Kome had studied very well for the paper while Akpos had not. This is what went on between them in the exam room. INVIGILATOR: 10 mins more… AKPOS: Kome, are you done with the theory? KOME: Yes, but I am now doing the objectives. AKPOS: Ok then pass the theory to me, for me to copy because I have not done anything. KOME: Is that so? Ok take it and copy because time is not on our side. AKPOS: Thanks INVIGILATOR: Get ready to stop work…… KOME: Hey Akpos, give me my paper. AKPOS: Oh Kome, I couldn’t do it oo…it was too much, so I cancelled your name and wrote my name there… KOME: What!!!??? INVIGILATOR: Stop work!!! Two weeks later, the exams results were published Principal: Akpos your result was very poor and disgraceful. What’s your favourite subject? Akpos: Free period. Akpos 2